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May 30, 2004
I'm immortal, bitch!
So...saw Troy this morning. I think that was the earliest I've ever seen a movie. Lyndsey woke my naked drowsy self out of bed this morning at 12 and told me to get dressed if I was going. She had to go see the movie so she could write about it for Theatre class. I was just there for moral support.
Now I had actually heard a lot of bad things about this movie but I found myself caught up in the story without getting too pissy or bored so I felt it was good. Because SOMEBODY told me *coughs* Cody *cough* I immediately picked out the out of place llamas and giggled to myself about it. Crazy llamas. There were a lot of half naked men so...that was enjoyable. Orlando, as much as I like you bud sometimes your emotional presentation of dialogue is somewhat lacking. Hector was my favorite. Eric (that was his name right?) seems like a good actor who actually brought a lot of emotion to the movie in times when it was lacking.
The funny thing about it was the fact that there were two LOTR actors in it. Orlando and Sean. This made for several LOTR related jokes from Lyndsey and I. We kept laughing at Orlando saying that if he had blonde hair and pointy ears he wouldn't be such a pussy. And then when they finally gave the boy a bow and arrow we laughed more... We made jokes about Boromir not being at the Battle of Helm's Deep because he died therefore he moved on to this battle. Then when Achilles got hit with all those arrows we laughed and said luckily it wasn't Sean getting those arrows again. Hahaha Boromir getting knocked down with arrows.
"I can't die. I'm an elf! Didn't you see the movie? I'm immortal, bitch!" - Our idea of what Orlando should have said.
" Hey guys I didn't get bombarded with all the arrows this time! I'm alive and that blonde bimbo was slaughtered by arrows! Vengence is mine, bitch!" - What Sean should have said.
Hahaha. Lord of the Rings references. We're such geeks!
Good stuff all around though. I was pleased. Now if only Harry Potter would hurry up and get here...Mmmm Siriusy goodness.
Okay...so I still haven't finished my homework. Not even close. Here's the list again, mainly for my own reference.
Th3 list of all I have to do by next week
*Final Comp essay
*Final American Lit essay
*Final Comp quiz
*Final American Lit quiz
*Comp 3 journal
*American Lit journal
*Sociology reflection paper
*Comp 3 reflection letter
*American Lit reflection letter
*Correct Comp 3 essay
*Correct American Lit essay
*Sociology Exercise
Right now I'm finishing up my comp 3 journal. Tonight I'm going to try to do the two quizzes since they're actually due next week. Then move on to the reflection letters. Let's see if I get anything done tonight. Whee!
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:24 PM | Comments (3)
May 29, 2004
Today
Today's been annoying. I'm just plain annoyed. I'm anxious and a bit pissy and pretty much everything is getting on my nerves.
On another note, today is a semi accomplished day. I was dragged out of bed this morning at noon to go clean my father's house since he gave me money Monday. I spent a few hours over there cleaning and general bullshitting and eating. Fun.
He donated some quarters to me so I finally cleaned my car. Inside and Out. Oh yeah. Booya!
Oddly, it still looks dirty. Typical. But it will be fine.
"That'll do pig. That'll do."
Right...
Cleaner than it was I suppose.
I discovered, or rediscovered that the Internet is the most boring thing in the world. I've lost interest. Once I do the daily stuff like check blogs/journals/forum and do daily neopet stuffs I'm done. Sure, I could play neopet games but frankly neopets is starting to bore me. There's really nothing here for me. Not even chatting since I talk to an average one person a day. Bah. Sick of it.
I find myself bored out of my mind from day to day. Which I suppose is a good thing. I should go find something better do to with my time. However, I'm not entirely certain what else I could do. I often go upstairs and be bored and lonely and watch tv for a few hours just because there's nothing else to do.
The idea of really sitting here for so many hours a day is getting a bit...sickening to me. I mean, it's like I'm wasting a life away or something.
It's different I suppose for Lyndsey since she talks to Will online all day. But I don't have anything to really be online for. I have nothing to do. Therefore the idea of me just rotting away at this desk is a bit depressing. :-/
Although, I do have something to do this weekend computer wise. I have so much school related shit to do and I have no desire to do it. I've already slacked away two whole days...I really need to start on it tonight. Blah!
So...I recommend a little online heaven called: The Towelie Soundboard. This amazing contraption has brightened up these boring few days. Try it! Love it!
I love that high ass talking towel!
I miss him. I really hope when he gets back we can hang out some. Wow. Do I sound desperate? Eeep. I just...like him a bit...or a lot...
God, so bored!
Th3 list of all I have to do by next week
*Final Comp essay
*Final American Lit essay
*Final Comp quiz
*Final American Lit quiz
*Comp 3 journal
*American Lit journal
*Sociology reflection paper
*Comp 3 reflection letter
*American Lit reflection letter
*Correct Comp 3 essay
*Correct American Lit essay
:-/
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:01 PM | Comments (1)
Oh Lordy!
LMAO...I'm dying!
You know me and my penguins...
hahahahahah!
Skill!!
Posted by Nikalyn at 02:22 AM | Comments (5)
May 28, 2004
I'm pretty god damn bored.
I'm pretty god damn bored. I'm about two seconds away from just getting in my car and driving somewhere.
Not sure where.
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:46 PM | Comments (6)
Bending Reality
Okay, so Rusty got me thinking about Reality shows today. He was mentioning that the first new episode of the UK's Big Brother showed today. This got me thinking...
One great thing about the summer approaching is the return of the GOOD reality shows. Mainly Big Brother and The Amazing Race. So I looked them up to see when the new season started.
July 6th! Both of them! One right after another! Yay! CBS is so skill!
I'm a bit excited. :)
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:15 PM | Comments (2)
Have all your friends meet all of my friends...
I want Say Anything songs like mad, yo! But I can't find any. Okay, a streaming page...but who wants to stream media? Blah. That takes effort.
Cody's leaving tomorrow for New York. Lucky ass. I'll be without his presence for *counts* 4 whole days! I'll miss him lots.
Damn these people who have lives. And goals. And plans. Boo on you!
You can't imagine how much homework I have to do this weekend. It's like mad, yo! I actually wrote all of it down in my planner and I have like 10 different things to work on.
Holy Shitake Mushrooms, Batman!
0_0
Ever notice I'm just a bit weird?
We went to Napoli's to eat today. It's oddly nice in there. Like a real Italian restaraunt. Who knew? We stuffed ourselves and I promptly passed out on my bed when we got home for like 3 hours. Although, oddly I'm still sleepy...
Bed!
Posted by Nikalyn at 03:16 AM | Comments (2)
May 26, 2004
So...uh...how the hell do people
So...uh...how the hell do people think Fantasia can sing?
Is everyone fucking deaf?
Seriously now...
Come on....
You're fucking deaf. lol.
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:55 PM | Comments (4)
May 25, 2004
The Burninator!
So I watched Episode 15 and 16 of the final season of Buffy today. Actually, I'm on 11 or so but can't find it anywhere. So I had to read the summary of 11-14 and 17-19. I'm currently downloading the last three episodes. It has like three hours to go. It's going pretty fast I suppose...I guess it's just the large file. Hopefully it will get done soon. And hopefully Lyndsey won't mind too horribly if I watch them. I'm a little bit...no, a lot excited to see how it ends. :)
Wow...I just turned on Who wants to be a millionaire and they just asked a question about Buffy. How crazy!
I got my shirts I ordered in the mail today. I actually was not expecting them this soon at all! I LOVE that hoodie. I'm pretty sure it's the coolest thing I own. Except my BSB and Hanson shirts that is...*coughs* Wha?
Anyway, I wish it would rain tomorrow just so I could wear my hoodie. Although, then it would get wet...Darn it why does it have to be Spring!?
I have so much to do school wise...and I'm not motivated at all to do it. I should be doing things now...but I'm not. At all. And won't for the rest of the night. I'm such a slacker.
Chris brought home chicken from KFC. The yummy BBQ kind. It smells so good. I was going to steal some but there's only one large piece! I can't steal that without looking suspicious!
There's also yummy ice cream treats in the freezer. Good kinds from an actual ice cream place. I want a blizzard!!!!!!
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:41 PM | Comments (3)
May 24, 2004
Squee!
We just had THE. BEST. CONVO. EVER!
Just some pieces from it:
Him: aw. you left a sweet comment on my site (I commented about how I loved his positivity and that it made me smile)
Me: Yes, I did.
Him: well that made me feel legitamately good.
Me: aww. that's good!
...
Me: hahaha no you're not. you rock.
Him: whatever. well you know some of my dirty secrets now, you should be impressed
Me: I am. We're bonding here. This is nice.
Him: no you actually should be impressed, i never let anyone see the chinks in my armor
Him: youre easy to talk to nikki (My heart actually did that fluttering thing!)
Me: awww thanks
Me: :-)
Me: you are too
Me: we need to hang out sometime. you know, not in a classroom setting (This is me actually doing that asking out thing I've been saying I would do for the past month or so...)
Me: yea thats cool (Boys...what does that mean?! LoL. Guys always have to act so cool)
Me: i think it would be fun. i like hanging out with you. you seem to work all the time though.
Him: cause i do
Me: lol true
Him: we'll do something sometime
Me: sounds good :-)
I'm giddy. :D
Posted by Nikalyn at 02:04 AM | Comments (6)
May 23, 2004
Dear Mom,
Please refrain from bitching me out and say that all I do is sit in front of the computer all day and never do anything around the house, when I'm the person who fucking cleans all the time!!!!
Not do shit my ass. I'm hardly ever in front of the computer! Hell, most of the time I'm upstairs watching tv!
I work my ass off cleaning and doing homework and then when I do have time off I do nothing. Sue me! Oh, and most of the time when you're home I go upstairs to attempt to spend time with you but you end up on the phone ALL NIGHT! What the hell else am I supposed to do but get on the computer?!
How the hell am I supposed to know to put food in the crock pot? Am I psychic?! Leave a fucking note next time!!
Okay, I'm fucking annoyed. I hate when she has a bad day and throws it on me.
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:19 PM | Comments (1)
Change?
I'm thinking a new layout might be in order soon. I LOVE this one but it has been up for awhile. I may have to save the html so I can use it again if I feel like it.
I'm thinking for the new layout something Elijah like. I haven't featured him in a layout yet. I think it might be time Mr. Wood.
I'll do some thinking...
Posted by Nikalyn at 02:37 AM | Comments (0)
May 21, 2004
Like Whoa.
I miss him mucho. Why does he have to have a life and never is online? Ugh! I haven't seen or talked to him in almost 4 days.
I'm going a bit nuts.
I'm crazy missing him!!
I'm so sad.
My stomach is killing me. Has been all night. I think I'm going to go to bed soon. I'm cold and hurting and still mega tired from last night.
I want to stay up and wait for him...not that he'll probably be on...but I want to talk to him.
Ugh. Skipping school sucks.
Oh, and I've officially won for the unluckiest person in the world. Don't get near me I'm sure an anvil will fall on me soon...or at least a player piano.
Posted by Nikalyn at 11:39 PM | Comments (2)
Orgy!
That was a fucking AWESOME show. One of the best things I've experienced! It's in my top three of favorite live shows EVER.
It was at a club and all personal like! We were uber close to the stage and could practically touch them. Lynz and Wesley actually did. Haha.
I caught Amir's guitar pick and Jay's water bottle. I gave the bottle to Lynz though. After I drank out of it! :D
Fucking AWESOME!!!
Posted by Nikalyn at 03:16 AM | Comments (4)
May 20, 2004
Clay!
So, it's been lots of fun with all the concerts this week. Well, we haven't went to Orgy yet but I imagine it will be lots of good times as well.
My mom informed me yesterday that her friend Jack who works at the local radio station is giving away Clay Aiken tickets for a concert in Charleston in July. You're supposed to call in to the station and win them but since he's our friend there's a very good chance he might just hook us up with a pair. God, that would rock! We love Claykin! And no Kelly this time as well!
I'm really hoping that happens. I luff Clay! :D
I purchased Dashboard merchandise last night to make up for forgetting my money at the concert. Thanks to Lyndsey's credit card I bought:
And
Who's going to be styling? Yay! Can't wait for them to get here! How long does standard UPS take?
What am I wearing to Orgy? Hrm...
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:34 AM | Comments (0)
May 19, 2004
And I miss it already...
And I miss it already...
Rest in Peace my Wesley...
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:01 PM | Comments (6)
Concert Madness
So...first off I want to say: Dashboard fucking rocks!!
They make everything that we went through worth it. Chris is beautiful. Amazing. Such a great lyricist and poet. He's fucking amazing.
Second, everything that could go wrong...went wrong.
First all the deal with not having a ride until the day before the concert. Major stress. Major not fun-ness. Second, I forgot my money in the car and we had no way to call my brother and have him bring it back...Major suckness. I actually was so pissed at myself for doing that. I really still am. I mean, fuck. I'm so stupid and forgetful. I hate going to concerts and not getting anything to remember it by. Ugh. They had such nice stuff there. Two shirts and a hoodie that I would have bought. I tried searching for Ebay for them but no such luck. I'll keep looking over the next few weeks for them but I'm really in dire need of new shirts so I'll ask Lynz to buy me two shirts from their website tomorrow and pay her for them. I picked out two lovely specimens.
So, anyway, back to the things that went wrong. Tall people in front of me. It RAINED no, STORMED the whole way up and back and during the concert. Fun, fun. Got lost walking to the stage area. Drunk girls who claimed they had to be at the front of the crowd because they were obsessed with Chris. Oh yay. Of course you are. Fucking posers. I got burned in the arm with a cigarette.
And moshers! Oh, the moshers! Stupid...fucking...assholes. NEVER MOSH! NEVER! There is no fucking reason to mosh. Moshing is so fucking stupid. As is crowd surfing. STUPID.
During the first act Say Anything everyone was getting along, it seemed like the concert would be a great one. I glanced at the side of the stage and Chris was standing there watching them and eventually sang a bit with them. Greatness! I loved Say Anything even though I didn't know any of their songs. I tried looking them up but couldn't find anything.
The Get Up kids were lovely. Sadly, I only learned like 4 songs of theirs and they only played 2 I knew. Boo. They didn't sing "I'll catch you"!!! That pissed me off. That's one of my all time favorite songs. :( But yeah. Anyway, this is when I started to get pissed off. People started pushing. And shoving. And moshing. And crowd surfing. Fucking retards. The Get up kids aren't moshing music! Ugh. And it's not just harmless moshing. These kids are having a full on battle! Kicking and punching and everything. :-/
Thrice then came on. I love Thrice. They're good people. Except they are a little harder so the moshing increased and grew more violent. And by this time Lynz and myself were getting beat up and pissed. So we moved to the other side of the stage to attempt to get out of the way of the moshers...didn't work well. I got all protective of Lyndsey during this violent moshing episode. I kept holding her and shielding her. I didn't want her to fall down. I was like "Oh no you don't touch my Lyndsey!" lol. Thrice was good though. That guy has a great voice. If it weren't for the violent moshing things...yeah...They sadly only played two songs I knew as well. I was VERY disappointed that they didn't play "All that's left" you know...considering it is one of my favorite songs...and the song from my layout. :-/
Dashboard was fucking great. No other words to say really. He played tons of songs and all my favorites. Some guy behind me really wanted Chris to play "This bitter pill" I agree. That would have been great. But of course he didn't. Blah. I LOVED hearing the new song "Vindicated" live. It's quickly becoming a favorite DC song for me. It was also fun knowing all the words considering most people had never heard it before...:D
Chris is amazing. I love his music. It's something you just sit there and absorb and feel with every fiber of your body. It's an emotional experience. I loved it.
However, during the middle of his set I felt a familiar feeling. The one I felt at the Three Doors Down/Fuel concert where I pretty much passed out. I'm pretty sure it's from being dehydrated and being in such hot, closed quarters with hundreds of people. Since we left our money in the car we couldn't get anything to drink. Everything got fuzzy, the music lowered, I started getting cold sweats. I sat down at one point and got back up thinking I'd be fine. It came back again though and Lyndsey started feeling like that too so we went to the back of the crowd and kind of sat down and got cool. Life was better then. There was a nice breeze coming off Lake Erie.
You know...beyond all the shitty, bad stuff that happened it fucking rocked.
I still firmly believe moshing to concerts shouldn't be allowed. No one will sway me on this. You are there to hear the music. Not to fight with people. I want to stand there and watch the emotion and feeling pouring out of the artists. I want to watch their life long dream realized. Moshing is disrespectful in my opinion.
Ugh. Fucking teenagers are the devil. I felt so sad...why are they so stupid? It's just so immature to do that shit. I feel so much older than all those people. Maybe I'm just getting too old for that shit. Is it wrong to just want to hear and experience the music not to get broken ribs from it?
I think not.
Anyway, here it is 2:30 and I'm up writing this. I decided I'm not going to American Lit tomorrow considering I only got one paragraph written on the paper that's due. I'll go to sociology though. Considering I can sleep in until 11 or so.
I need a shower tomorrow morning. I smell like the sweat of 15 guys. Ugh. I stink. I'm tired.
I sure hope the moshing for Orgy will be minimal.
Posted by Nikalyn at 02:26 AM | Comments (2)
May 18, 2004
Wow
Mom must really think Cleveland will kill me. She said "Love you" before she left. Hahaha crazy!
It made me happy though. :)
She left me her bank card so I'm supposed to go get 25 out of her account. Dad's supposed to come bring some money too. I want t-shirts out the wazoo. Hope I can afford them. 2 Dashboard, 1 Thrice.
Alright. Gonna go up to the bank now before I call dad up. I'm sure I won't post again till tomorrow so...
Yay for concerts! See you Wednesday. Maybe. :D
Posted by Nikalyn at 11:03 AM | Comments (0)
May 17, 2004
YAYAY!
Concert time tomorrow! I LOVE MY BROTHER!!!!
*dances*
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:06 PM | Comments (0)
I may kill myself... PLEASE
I may kill myself...
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!
I'll be the best girl ever!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!
*crosses fingers*
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:19 PM | Comments (1)
Scared
I'm scared. Scared as hell.
So it all comes to this eh? All this hard work and planning comes down to my brother? Wow. I'm fucking nervous.
We asked Chris about taking us to Cleveland. We said we'd pay for gas and actually pay him to drive us. Not sure how much money we're looking at here...but oh well. He seemed fairly receptive. He said he would if he could get it off from work...
Therefore...everything lies in Chris and his boss.
I'm fucking scared.
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:07 AM | Comments (3)
May 16, 2004
We're screwed
So. No ride. Mom officially can't take us. She refuses to let us go by ourselves. She claims that it's the Cleveland folk she doesn't trust...My dad has already refused twice to take us. I called him this afternoon to beg and plead and offer money but he's not home.
We can ask Chris but I'm sure he won't take us. And if he considers I'm sure he'll want money. We're headed over to my other brother's house to see if he or his girlfriend have any suggestions. Shelina's family are quite nice and liberal so they might just be crazy enough to agree.
It's utterly not fair that she's showing this much apathy about our predicament. It's her fault. She said she had Tuesdays off therefore we didn't look for other means of transportation. And I'm sure she didn't ask hard enough for the day off.
Why does my dad have to be such an asshole? He could save us right now. He could just make this all go away. But he won't. God, I'll beg and plead to him some more tonight...not that it will help. And if he won't take us I'll ask him to at least talk to mom some and persuade her to let us go ourselves.
I have confidence that we could successfully make this trip. Why doesn't she? I often wonder if I'm not independent enough at 19 to take a trip by myself...then when?
So...if you will be in the Belpre area on Tuesday and would like to take a trip to Cleveland with us? We will pay money.
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:32 PM | Comments (0)
Can't I Stay?
Today's been a short and uneventful day. I figured I should at least write something so it feels as if I accomplished something, which of course I know is a lie. I cleaned the upstairs if that counts. Not that I don't do that all the time. Blah.
I haven't seen Cody in a day or so. It's making me...twitchy. Now, I'm not sure what that means exactly...but that's how I feel. 0_0
I like him uber mucho. Yeah, I acknowledge that didn't make sense. I don't make much sense when I'm around him. I ramble. A lot. Which is odd considering I'm rather shy. You wouldn't know it when I'm around him. I talk and ramble and I'm sure I bore him.
I keep saying that I'll "ask him out," ask him to hang out with me...but I don't. It shouldn't be that difficult, should it? I mean, we seem to have fun together on-line and during class. If I asked him to hang out sometime because I enjoy his company he'd say yes...right? It wouldn't be difficult for a normal person. But it's difficult to me. It never seems like the right time. I'm too scared he'd reject me. Truth is, I'd reject me too.
Concert time is drawing near. Tuesday is the day. Dashboard. The Get Up Kids. Thrice. Much greatness. I haven't yet questioned mom if she got the day off. I'm too scared. God, I'm such a fucking wimp eh? Tomorrow I suppose. If she didn't get it off I'm not sure what I'll do. *sighs*
I wish I were a girl of action and not one of talk. I talk real pretty but cannot go through with things. :-/
We rented movies this weekend. Peter Pan and Love Actually. Peter Pan was quite cute. That's saying a lot for me considering I dislike the story of Peter Pan. Always have. But this version was nice. Peter is very adorable. Love Actually had too much love not enough story. Actually, it seemed to have too much story. A lot of loose ends and things that didn't make sense adding...it was a mess really. Although, many lovely English men. ;)
Well, I'm tired. It's really an emotionally draining week. It's going to get worse I imagine.
Night.
<3 you.
Posted by Nikalyn at 02:28 AM | Comments (0)
May 14, 2004
Hahahahaha!
| adopt your own virtual pet! |
He's so funny! Click at him! HAHAHAHA So amused!!!
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:55 AM | Comments (5)
May 13, 2004
So dad refuses to take
So dad refuses to take us because he's an asshole and waste of human life. Do one thing, one IMPORTANT thing for your daughter for once in your life why don't you?!
Fuck! So pissed off.
Yeah, so who knows how we're getting there now. I left a message on mom's voice mail that said she better get Tuesday off or else we'll not have a ride and have to drive up there ourselves and I know she won't let us.
Why can't things just be secure for once?!
Yeah, I've run out of ideas. Why can't people just be helpful and nice anymore?
Posted by Nikalyn at 11:39 AM | Comments (4)
May 12, 2004
Iconage!
Right. So I skipped American Lit today because well...I wanted to? We got in the car. Drove to the end of the street. And decided to go to Burger King for breakfast instead. It was mucho fun. We ate and listened to old men talk about dying and their place in heaven. We laughed at lots of stupid things and talked of magna doodle sex. Lovely stuff!
Sociology was boring. I tuned out a lot and attempted to prefect my art of Trogdor drawing. It didn't turn out that well. I can't draw arms and wings worth shit.
I missed out on Cody time but he said he wanted to kill himself or someone else in there today...so I'm assuming it wasn't much fun. He said I better be there tomorrow so he wouldn't be alone. *sniff* Haha.
Anyway, spent most of the day looking at icons. Angel/Buffy icons. Mostly getting Wes icons. I can't help it. That bastard is gorgeous. Not sure what I'm doing with these icons...but they're cute and I like to have them.
I have an essay to write tonight. Blah.
Concerts next week! Lovely fun! So excited! Just have to secure the ride to Dashboard...Grrr. I hate when things aren't definite. They give me a quesy, anxiousy, paranoidy feeling inside. It will make me stay up late thinking of bad possibilities and possible methods of suicide. I don't like that. Oh well. I'm sure it will turn out okay. I'll have to phone up dad tomorrow to make sure he got my message.
I also need my cam fixed for next week. Must take pictures!
Lyndsey made some delicious food today! And I helped! I LUFF HER!!!!!! :D
Right. So I guess I should start this essay before Angel comes on...*pout*
Posted by Nikalyn at 07:55 PM | Comments (2)
May 11, 2004
Love!
I like him x 10000000000000!
I really need to do something about it...
I wish I had more self confidence! Eeep!
He layed his head down on the table today and closed his eyes like he was about to fall asleep...so beautiful. I stole these glances at him from the corner of my eye. I wonder if he knew I was watching him? He looked so peaceful and gorgeous. I'm going to keep that image in my head for awhile.
He's so beautiful.
I wish he were mine.
Why can't he be mine?
I'm a good person. I deserved to be loved...right?
*whimpers*
I wish I'd get a chance. One chance. For once in my life.
I can't get him out of my head. I don't want to.
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:27 PM | Comments (4)
May 09, 2004
The Worn Path
New Poem. Whee. Not like most people care. But still.
The path is worn, I've traveled before.
The faces are far too familiar.
I stand stunned.
Frozen from fear, captured by the unknown.
My head screams for motion but from my limbs there's no reply.
Standing at the fork, confronting your likeness, words cease to appear.
I yearn to profess these emotions to you, in witty song or verse.
Exclaim in the loudest of voice all the thoughts that reside in the recesses of my head.
To question how you feel for me or if you love at all...
It burns within me, these feelings, these thoughts.
Tossing and turning, they haunt me in sleep.
Dreams of you tempt me.
I see you, touch you, taste.
The ghost of a kiss resides long after the dawn.
I wake alone.
Like the day before.
Each day dying a little more.
This is my doing, my suicide.
I am consumed.
I am gone.
Posted by Nikalyn at 06:02 PM | Comments (10)
May 08, 2004
Doggie Kisses
Did some cleaning today for Mother's day. Cleaned most of the upstairs and the back porch. Chris and Chad apparently planned some kind of Mother's Day surprise luncheon for Mom tomorrow. Colour me surprised. Who knew they could remember holidays? So they're making some kind of BBQ tomorrow which resulted in Lyndsey and I sweeping the porch for them.
We let the dogs run wild. I luff my puppies. So cute! I wish mom wouldn't keep them locked in the back. It makes me sad. Nightfall covered me in puppy kisses so now I need a shower.
My aunt...the rich one, is coming down tomorrow to surprise my grandma for Mother's Day. Mom is supposed to be fixing a dinner for them. I'm not sure how all this food is working out...but whatever. lol.
So anyway, Lyndsey and I are going to see Van Helsing here in a bit. After we wash the dog smell away and go visit mom at her store's grand opening.
I got my financial aid stuff back in the mail today. So...next year I'll be getting 1200 so from pell grants and 200 some from some other grant. Needless to say, I'll be having some left over money. Whee.
Okay. Shower.
Posted by Nikalyn at 03:00 PM | Comments (2)
May 07, 2004
Cause I'm bored...
LAYER ONE:
.............................................................
-- Name: Nikki. Nikalyn on-line.
-- Birth date: January 8th, 1985. Same day as Elvis. Whee.
-- Current Location: B-town, Ohio. Wow. I say B-town as if I'm cool.
-- Hair Color: Reddish brown. I keep trying to make it more...Willow like. It never seems to work.
-- Height: Like 5'9 ish?
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty. Although I can do many, many tasks with the left. I'm special.
LAYER TWO:
...........................................................................
-- Your heritage: Irish, and Scotish, and German.
-- Your weakness: Accents, Guys with cute lil glasses, Geeks.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve just some day: Find love. Not be a complete waste of space. Visit Ireland.
LAYER THREE:
............................................................................
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Need...more...sleep
-- Your best physical feature: Do I have one? I like my hair sometimes. And my eyes. Lyndsey says I have a nice butt...but she's silly.
-- Your bedtime: Whenever the spirit moves me.
-- Adidas or Nike: I like my sketchers...
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Oh, how I hate the tea. I'd never make it in England...*la sigh*
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: See, I don't like the coffee things either! God, what is wrong with me?
LAYER FOUR:
.................................................................................
-- Smoke: No.
-- Cuss: Often.
-- Sing: When I know the words.
-- Take a shower everyday: Every other day
-- Ever been in love: I thought I was...
-- Want to go to college: I do. Well, community college. I'm so neat.
LAYER FIVE:
............................................................................
-- Like school: Most of the times.
-- Want to get married: Of course.
-- Believe in yourself: Not really. A thing I need to change. Easier said than done, right?
-- Think you're attractive: No.
-- Think you're a health freak: I drink a considerable amount of water...does that count?
-- Get along with your parents: For the most part. Dad is evil though.
-- Like thunderstorms: Love them. It stormed today. So beautiful. I love me some nature.
-- Play an instrument: No. I once could play the recorder. I had a Lion King songbook and everything. I was rocking it out.
LAYER SIX:
..............................................................................
In the 6 past months...
-- Drank alcohol: Yes.
-- Smoked: No.
-- Had Sex: Right...
-- Made Out: No.
-- Gone to the mall: Of course. When we leave the house it's the only place to go.
-- Eaten sushi: No.
-- Been dumped: No.
-- Made homemade cookies: Can't say I did.
-- Dyed your hair: Yes.
-- Stolen anything: No.
LAYER SEVEN:
............................................................................
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: No.
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No.
-- Been caught "doing something": Almost.
-- Been called a tease: No.
-- Shop Lifted: Nope.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Nah.
LAYER EIGHT:
...............................................................................
-- Age you hope to be married: Whenever.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: I love kids way too much to want to keep them. They should be free! *coughs*
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: Castle. Ireland. Greatest. Wedding. Ever.
-- Where you want to go to college: *shrugs* I go to WSCC now. Who knows where I go next.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: A writer.
-- What country would you most like to visit: Ireland. Followed closely by England.
LAYER NINE:
..............................................................................
In a guy/girl...
-- Best eye color?: Doesn't matter...
-- Best hair color?: Brown. I never seem to like those blondes...okay, just that once!
-- Short or long hair?: Short...I suppose.
-- Height: It doesn't matter...
-- Best weight: Yeah, I'm pretty sure none of this matters.
-- Best articles of clothing: Any?
LAYER TEN:
...............................................................................
-- # of people I could trust with my life: Two.
-- # of CDs that I own: Lots and lots.
-- # of piercings: None. Piercings and me don't go together...haven't I told this story before?
-- # of tattoos: One
-- # of scars on my body: Three at the moment. At least that I know of. One beside my left eye. One on my palm of my left hand. One on my left leg...hey, why are these just on the left side of my body...?
-- # of things in my past that I regret: Lots.
Posted by Nikalyn at 06:34 PM | Comments (4)
May 05, 2004
The Beginning Is Incidental
So...hrm...update time? Really? Yeah...I suppose so.
I've been irritated lately. At myself mostly. And school. And stupid people. Loads O fun really. Suzen, my teacher for two college courses, was absent a lot last week/this week so I haven't had her classes in awhile. Annoying for the fact I either wake up early for it or wait around for an hour for it. Ugh. Plus, I'm not getting enough Cody time at all. I talked to him a few minutes today but I mainly ranted about the uber Christian kid in our class who had this huge religious discussion in the student lounge today with three other huge Christians.
This is what I got out of it:
Stupid notion A: Since I don't worship their God I automatically worship Satan. There's no in between. Right...
Stupid notion B: The bible is the only way to have morals. Without it in your life you learn no morals. Therefore, since I don't read and study the bible I have no morals. Really? I'm pretty sure I have a lot of them...
Stupid notion C: The bible is THE word of God. You can't treat it wrong or look at it wrong or kick it...err...or tear it. If you do you will go to hell. It's a god damn book!!!
And lots of other stupid comments flung from their mouths...I can't even remember all of them. I sat in the corner and giggled at how stupid and cult like they sounded. A girl in there who wasn't a part of all this commented that I looked like I needed to say something to them but I just politely said that if I started talking I would end up pissing all four of them off and tearing into them rather harsely.
The girl's companion told them they needed to shut the hell up...so they left. I laughed. Good deal.
So that's all my convo with Cody consisted of. That and me just being stupid and rambly. Oh well...
I was going to ask him to do something with me sometime but he hasn't been online much...and I kind of want it to be on the weekend so if I get rejected then I'll have a few days to wallow...Oh, wallow. Wallow.
Besides seeing Cody everyday I'm sick of school. I want to sit here, play neopets, beat Kingdom Hearts, go to our two concerts, and watch the rest of the Buffy episodes...is that too much to ask?
Speaking of Buffy, I downloaded episodes 5 and 6 of season 7 today in 55 minutes at a rate of 230 kbs. Wow. I'm the fucking torrent masta!! It was so nice. I watched episode 3, 4, and 5 today...which made me a little teary. I didn't watch 6 cause Lyndsey came home and I figured she didn't want to hear all the sounds of fighting...plus, I tend to watch them at a really high volume. I didn't want to bother her. lol.
Okay...enough rambling. Bed.
I miss you...
Posted by Nikalyn at 12:14 AM | Comments (4)
May 03, 2004
I think I woke up screaming
I had a dream where you fell asleep in my arms...
God, was it good...
*whimpers*
Oh, and Happy Birthday Mr. Will!
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:19 AM | Comments (5)
May 02, 2004
Hurray!
I downloaded the first two episodes of the final season of Buffy. At first they were having problems playing on my computer. First nothing worked. Then just the video worked, no sound. But thanks to the mighty Rusty it all works now. It looks freaking lovely!
Anyway, I watched the first minute or so to make sure it was working properly. I turned it off cause I didn't know if Lyndsey wanted to watch it or not. She's not a big Buffy fan but she watched season 6 with me. I didn't know if she wanted to see how it ended. If not, I'll watch it when she goes to Grandma's or something.
Gosh, I luff that Rusty. What a genious!
Posted by Nikalyn at 12:58 PM | Comments (0)
Staining you
So...I'm a little teary here. Not sure why. Okay, I'm 98.9 percent sure it's from him. I know it's not his fault. He did nothing except be gorgeous. I don't know...
I hate feeling like this. So strung out...so worthless. I have absolutely no confidence in myself. Every time I talk to him this voice in my head says, "Ask him out you idiot." But it never happens. I fear the rejection by him too much. I think I would die if I made myself that vulnerable only to be put down.
He seems to like me...in some way or another. At least as a friend. Sometimes we talk and we seem so connected and I get this huge amount of confidence that he might say yes to me. But then other times he seems a little impersonal and hidden. Like he's trying to be a little bit asshole-ish to cover something. I jokingly told him we were about to visit him today at work but we couldn't think of an excuse to come in. He said he was busy anyway. I'm not sure if it's one of those truth things or something said to keep me from invading his workplace.
*sighs*
I think it may just be the impersonal nature of a computer screen and pixel text doing this to me. Who knows how he really feels through what he writes. He also has said many times that he has a hard time loosening up to people. Maybe...he just acts like that because it's hard to get close to people?
I don't know. I just wish I knew if he really likes me.
He does make fun of me. Isn't that a clue? lol.
But yeah, I definately think I'm going to do something about this. Ask him sometime within the week. I can't take this...this...uncertainty, this nervousness.
There's all these feelings for him inside and I'm not sure how to explain them. All I know is that I want to spend more time with him...
I sure hope he feels the same.
But I'm sick of sitting around. I'm sick of letting the people I like walk out of my life forever. I'm tired of not taking a stand for myself, letting my feelings be know. I want to make the most out of this chance...what's the point of living if you can't take chances?
He's the biggest chance I'll ever take...
*sighs* I like him a lot...
Ugh. Unrequited love is a bitch.
Posted by Nikalyn at 12:28 AM | Comments (3)
May 01, 2004
I only get this way with you
So...who's the loser up at 6 am when she doesn't have to be? Yeah, that'd be me. How sad. How lame. Initially I only got up because I had to pee. But then I got into one of those "I need pop and I need a damn lot of it" moods. This is a common occurance with me. It usually happens once every few months. I'll wake up at about 4 in the morning and want a large quantity of pop, usually Mountain Dew, and drink it within 2 minutes. It's an odd occurance really. So this morning I woke up and had one of these moments...I downed a can of Dr. Pepper in about a minute flat. And...here I am. Usually caffeine doesn't keep me up...but whatever. Maybe it was that going to bed at 11 thing.
In any case, mom got a new and much, much better job. Hopefully, now she won't get treated like shit anymore and will actually get some time off. I'm hoping they're easier about taking days off than BP was so that she can get the 18th off to take us to Dashboard. If not, then hey I'm fucking screwed. Yay! But yes, I'm so happy she got that job. :)
In other job news, Lyndsey got an interview at Fashion Bug in the mall. Hopefully, she gets that job so she'll get away from evil BP as well and be more appreciated. Yay!
Me? No, I'm still jobless. I'm a little scared that places will already have hired all their summer workers. God, why do I slack so much? Mom told me about some bookstore on Rosemar that's hiring. Yeah, I have no idea where that is...but I'm going to attempt to swing on by there soon and check it out. Pretty much a bookstore is the only place I could work where I wouldn't be scared of losing my soul. Either that or a record store.
So...I'm trying to download the last season of Buffy since both Rusty and Cody have been telling me I seriously need to. I've checked out a few places including:
Buffy.nu - both links to download the season are down...lovely!
Winmx - if people actually have episodes then it's every damn episode except the first one!
Torrents - so I'm starting to be all geeky and doing the torrent thing...yeah, right now it's incredibly slow on the download. I mean, I know damn episodes will be huge fucking files but I have cable, this process should be going faster. I'm getting a rate of 4 right now...how sad! Estimated time is like 73 hours! Last night it was 300 some hours. 300 hours?! That's almost 13 days! Wow...
So yeah, I suppose I'll keep this torrent thing going for awhile and see where it gets me...I suppose.
Wow... 4.1 M out of 691.2 MB. How sad!!
This is annoying...
Neopets is still the fucking devil.
UPDATE: It is currently 8:42 am. Things I have done since last update:
* Attempted to watch pron. Why can't I ever find any when I want some?? People just redirect me and redirect me...blah!
* My 2 episodes of Buffy are now downloading at an incredible...err, well since I typed that it went down again. Ugh! It was at 22 something. Now it's at 8. You jinxed me!!! The estimated time is now 19 hours. Well, that's good. At least it's under a day. And I currently have 77.8 MB out of 691.2 MB, it's 11% done. Wow. I'm really moving.
* I'm fucking craving some kind of fast food breakfast right now. McDonald's...ooh or god Burger King! Once again, I have no money for food. I miss having quarters. Fucking gas...
* Mom caught me upstairs and was on her way to the store to do deposits and stuff for them to end her week. She asked if I wanted to go Springfest...some crafty festival thing. Although, I'm sure Lyndsey won't want to go after working. She'll come home annoyed from work and want to go to sleep. She won't want to walk around crafts. :( But I need exercise and to get out of the house and away from this damn download...hopefully it will be done when I get home?
I'm pretty damn sure I want breakfast.
Posted by Nikalyn at 06:51 AM | Comments (2)