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November 30, 2003
Disconcerting...
I'm low.
I would go into it but I would just be doing exactly the things everyone else around me is doing.
"I'm no good at this." "I'm no good at that." "No one loves me." "Everybody hates me." "I'm such a bad person."
Since I am blantantly so sick of those people I'm not going to go into why I'm sad. It would end up sounding like that. So, I guess I'm sick of myself as well. Therefore, since you don't care how I feel anyway, I'll leave you be.
Poem:(name later, alignment later, not that anyone appreciates poetry)
You see me. But do you look at me? Your gaze travels through me and I am lost. In my dreams, a vision of us together but nothing more. You're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. I'm so taken by you. This obsession grips me tightly and I submit fruitlessly. I know what I am. I live with this reflection every day, I loathe it. I cling to these false fantasies, these hopes of a better life filled with love and acceptance. I lie to myself. I hide behind a smile, a laugh, screen full of characters and symbols, anything to disguise who I am. You shine in every aspect of life. I am blinded by your light, your glow, that glimmer emitted from your soulful eyes. I'm in love with you. Everything about you. I'll fabricate emotion embedded in a smile and pretend that you could actually love me too. Masochistic behavior, let me bleed openly. Our day will never come.
Posted by Nikalyn at 12:41 AM | Comments (6)
November 29, 2003
As soon as you
As soon as you get that feeling that you can start to live again
As soon as the worst is over.
You can make it all make sense.
Right now, I can't give you what you need
As soon as you get that feeling...
Run to me.
Posted by Nikalyn at 02:41 PM | Comments (0)
November 27, 2003
Uh...umm...arg!
That was a disturbing dream. Yes, I said that I wanted to remember more of my dreams...but preferably not ones like that.
*whimpers*
That was just not necessary...
*pours more salt into her wounds*
By the way, Merry Thanksgiving. We're not eating or celebrating until Sunday. Major suckage.
Being a little sappy, I'm thankful for all your guys. I'm thankful for my friends.
I love ya Lynz. :D
Posted by Nikalyn at 12:54 PM | Comments (4)
November 26, 2003
Penguins anyone?
What color is Your inner penguin
brought to you by Quizilla
Whee! A quiz with a penguin!!
No more school until January 5th!
Alright, I'm done.
*coughs* comment *coughs*
Random Foofy comment of the day:
Chance says: the problem about idiots is you feel warmly about them... like a puppy...
Posted by Nikalyn at 07:59 PM | Comments (1)
November 25, 2003
*taps her foot at you*
*taps her foot at you*
Well?
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:35 PM | Comments (1)
November 23, 2003
*pokes her blogging audience*
Anyone awake?
Anyone?
Oh well.
Anyways, essay not done yet. However, Lynz's Christmas presents are bought. I might buy her something else if I get some more money but right now I'm broke.
Okay...I admit I wouldn't be broke if I didn't pay for the rest of my brother's FF X-2 (he made me turn in a few of his games for money to buy it but he didn't have enough, therefore I was nice and chipped in some money) and bought those two cds.
Impulse buys I think. I was like "Oh hey, I'll buy this Finch cd since I can't find Hot Hot Heat" And then I went back and found Hot Hot Heat. So I bought them both.
Eeep!
And just in case you were wondering, "My, what can I get Nikalyn for Christmas this year," here's your answer.
Pretty much ANYTHING off of the Dashboard Confessional website
I already have the switzerland hoodie however.
My main desires?
And finally, Bam 6
Just...ya know, letting you know.
*wink*
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:48 PM | Comments (2)
Well...really now.
Five20one: well don't give up
Five20one: you may one day open your email and find a picture of a naked englishmen ...lol
The Magess: if only lol
Don't know why I found this important.
Posted by Nikalyn at 12:21 AM | Comments (0)
November 22, 2003
And I thought the music had ended
The other day the guy that I had a crush on all last year messaged me...out of nowhere. I didn't even know he had my name. It was crazy. I wonder why he did that. It's made me think for awhile now. I hadn't thought about him all this time and now I can't stop. 0_0
It was nice catching up with him. He seems to have a great college life going. He's coming back home Sunday.
Maybe I'll catch him somewhere...wait, I think I might be asking for too much.
I'd like to see him though. See how much he's changed. Or if he has at all.
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:08 PM | Comments (1)
November 20, 2003
The coolest shirt...EVA!
Yes, this is my Rustyfied shirt. It took awhile but it's finally here.
I luff it!
It's big and fluffy and smells like Rusty! Okay, you got me on the last one. Unless Rusty smells like that "new shirt smell".
Everyone is going to love my shirt. They'll be like. "Where did you get that swank ass shirt?" (of course no one will say swank because no one here is that cool) And I'll be like. "My friend Rusty drew it and you can't have one! *stick out tongue* "
MMmm. I love it.
Pictures!!!
You know what, screw the link. Let's post the pics.
The kick ass front.
The strings tend to hang in the little guy's face.
Yup! That's me in there!
The back. I luff the back almost as much as the front!!
I'm so happy. My shirt rocks!
Much thanks goes out to Rusty who created the shirt. :)
No I didn't write my essay. I'll do it tomorrow. Maybe...
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:58 PM | Comments (6)
*taps her foot*
So...
Where's my shirt? Eh? The site said it would be here today. *goes to check again* Hrm. It still says the 20th. It will probably be here later. I think it's just not here yet cause it won't come in the regular mail. It will probably be UPS.
So, I got most of my school crap done. I've got all my Brit lit things done. Reflection letter, final paper, final quiz. Done. I have everything done for my composition class except the final paper. I had a meeting in there today with my teacher and pretty much told her I hadn't even started it yet. She understood and said I really didn't need to have the meeting with her since I know what I'm doing. So we pretty much just sat there talking. She has this AMAZING picture in her office. She said she drew it with just ink pens. It's lovely. I wish I could have taken a picture of it or something. I'm sure Rusty would have loved it. I wish I could have a copy of it somehow. But yeah... <333
I figured out today that my teacher, Suzen, is pretty much what I want to be. I don't know about the teacher part since I hate kids...but she has so much going for her. Uber smart. Mega talented. She has degrees ALL over the board. Knows literature, art, movies. And she can draw. Wow. I really wish I had that kind of talent. I love art. I wish I could be an artist.
DeviantART owns me now. I'm on it all the time. Pretty much it has everything you could want. I love looking at all the cool stuff people have created. I pretty much hang out around the wallpapers/manipulated photos/winamp skins pages but I love the site a lot.
I mean, look how freaking cool this is. I mean, I don't like white backgrounds but still! Cool as freak! Very good rendering. I want to do things like that damn it!
So...today's plan is to finish my comp paper. I also plan to work a little on the blog. I'm sure it won't be noticeable though.
Hrm...I'm really craving Wendy's now. Who's with me?!
UPDATE: As I was driving up the streets heading to Wendy's I passed the UPS truck. I went around the little circle loop street and flew back home. He was putting my shirt beside the door as I arrived. Whee!
I laid it down on the floor for a sec while I typed this. Loki is already curled up in it sleeping. 0_0
Pictures will come soon. After I eat.
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:04 PM | Comments (1)
November 18, 2003
Real and Unscripted
Listen, comment, or I will hunt you down.
I will. Don't tempt me.
*tries to stare you down*
Posted by Nikalyn at 11:04 AM | Comments (4)
November 17, 2003
Wow.
Note to self: Stop searching the interweb while trying to write essay at 11:45pm. This makes the process of finishing the essay a lot harder. Writing in your blog is also a bad move. Stop now. Stop being a fucking slacker.
I just noticed my keyboard is disgustingly dirty. Maybe I should attempt to clean that. :/
I think my clicking is keeping Lynz up. I feel horrible. :(
Posted by Nikalyn at 11:46 PM | Comments (2)
Fake Wings
I was planning on devoting today to writing my final Brit Lit paper. I've written the introduction and part of the first paragraph. But then I realized, "Hey I don't have to go to school tomorrow until 2." Why you ask? Because we've had our last class already. All we're required to do now is come in for a meeting to show her how our paper is going and then come in at the end of the week and turn it in. Fun eh? My meeting for Brit Lit is tomorrow at 2 and my meeting for Comp I is Thursday. Therefore, the slacker in me decided to not work on the Brit Lit paper yet since I have half of tomorrow to do it if necessary.
Someone really needs to smack my ass in gear. :/
I want the Double, double toil and trouble song from the Harry Potter trailer. :( But it's way too early for a soundtrack to be out. Therefore I keep playing the trailer over and over just to hear the damn song. Bah.
I spent 8 bucks on Subway today. I was hungry. There was no food. Oh well. It was pretty damn good.
Someone sent me a url of two of the dot hack episodes not on my discs. But I can't download them...crappy computer. I actually sat and thought about downloading it but then remembered it would take two years to get it. It's so sad.
My parents bought me a swanky leather coat last night. It's pretty long too. I look hot in it. Lynz got an Irvine coat. She just needs a cowboy hat and a gun. HOT! I need a squall jacket. Oooh. And a gunblade. I'd be sexay!
0_0 I want!!!
I think I may do an audio blog soon. Would anyone like to hear it? I haven't made a sound clip for a long while. Maybe I should. Eh?
Posted by Nikalyn at 03:47 PM | Comments (2)
November 16, 2003
Hrm?
http://abstract.cs.washington.edu/~renacer/ascii-matrix.html.gz?D0=120
Impressive? Or just darn sad?
Posted by Nikalyn at 11:45 AM | Comments (2)
November 14, 2003
Guess who's back?
Me...apparently.
Aspyre was going through some problems but now everyone's blogs should be up and running again.
Did you miss me?
Notice I was gone?
I'll blog more tomorrow. I need to tidy up the room.
I got Suikoden 1 and 2 today!!! I can't wait to play them!!! Flik! Flik! Flik!
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:13 PM | Comments (3)
November 11, 2003
Trucker Hat And a Labret Piercing
He has beautiful lips. When he's concentrating, his tongue explores the bottom one as if it's desperately seeking insight. My eyes secretly observe his actions. I pretend that I am indulged in the lesson that is being taught behind him. His eyes shut. He is apathetic to the information thrown at him. He knows it all already. I wonder what he's thinking about, about the hours of band practice he is missing or simply how bad he wants to leave this place. Opening his eyes, his gaze locks onto mine and for a moment, I can't divert it. His smile is amazing. Boyish and carefree. A devious grin that makes you wonder what mischievous act he's about to partake in. I look down at my paper, avoiding his stare, and scribble a few notes from the board. It's obvious that he could think of a million places he'd rather be than here. He removes his hat and runs his musician fingers through his hair. He finds momentary enjoyment on seeing how many ways he can bend the tattered hat, twisting it back and forth in his hands. I look at him and silently laugh at his actions, knowing they are a product of boredom; I feel it too. He grins at me, flashing his perfect teeth in my direction, and throws the hat back on his disheveled head. The lesson drones on and becomes too much to take. He gathers up his belongings and proceeds out the door, tipping his hat at the class before he goes. I watch him as he walks away from me, his body getting smaller and smaller with distance until there is nothing. Monday will come again and once more the process will continue.
I am infatuated with him.
Posted by Nikalyn at 02:00 PM | Comments (2)
*grumbles something about 20 some
*grumbles something about 20 some spam comments on her blog and then walks away*
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:21 AM | Comments (2)
November 09, 2003
Hi. I'm Nikalyn. I am
Hi. I'm Nikalyn. I am NOT the reason behind every little problem and annoyance that you are experiencing. Please refrain from treating me as such.
Thank you.
-Teh Management
Posted by Nikalyn at 03:58 PM | Comments (1)
Arg!
Our cafepress order for the hoodie didn't go through. I told Lynz that last night but she said they took the money out of her account already. :/ The site said that it often took a few times to be accepted " It is not uncommon for a request for credit card authorization to fail once or twice before the card is finally authorized." I don't figure it took money out if it was rejected. So I left the screen up last night so she could enter her info again. But she didn't get to it. Hopefully she'll do it sometime today.
I hate buying shit off the internet. I wish I didn't have to ask people to do it for me. I mean, I have money but not a way to buy stuff from online. It's sad really.
I want my shirt. :(
I guess if it doesn't work then I'll just go over to dad's and ask him to buy it for me, spend another $35 bucks. Blah. *kicks cafepress*
Oh and Satan's hell spawn is here today. Know how I know? I was rudely awakened this morning by pounding and/or jumping on the floor (my ceiling, since I'm in the basement). BAH!!!!! I dislike her. :/
Posted by Nikalyn at 11:07 AM | Comments (1)
November 08, 2003
Computer sadness
Okay, when my internet is disconnected these boxes come up and says that these programs need the internet to run. At first it didn't strike me as strange because those always appear if I get disconnected and Winmx is still running. But I have no idea where those programs/files whatever they are are coming from. If you cancel out of it another one pops up, and another, and another, and another. The only way to stop them from popping up is to either connect to the internet or to shut the computer down. Such a fucking annoyance.
Pictures:
Also, when I boot up my computer Mirc pops up, but it doesn't look like my Mirc. It says Mirc 32. Why is that popping up when I start my computer up?
sdfkjhdlkfhsdkfj.ath.cx is name on the boxes that comes up most often.
*points to the pictures above*
Plus at one point I got these ones:
irc.pr0jectx.net
irc.pyr8s.com
irc.technicalskill.net
irc.darkorion.net
Because of all these irc related things I'm assuming something is going wacko with Mirc. But what?
It's really a fucking annoyance and I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with it. I've ran virus scans, spyware scans, AdAware, Search and Destory, all that wonderful stuff today...but it doesn't seem to be doing anything.
Any ideas?
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:02 PM | Comments (5)
Jet Black
I really like this song. Not sure if I like the actually performance of it...(it will probably grow on me) But I love the lyrics. How about you?
Don't even take a breath the air is cut with cyanide
In honor of the new year.
The press gives us cause to celebrate
These air raid sirens, barbed wire skylinds by artificial night,
As we sleep to burn the red from our bloodless lives.
Tonight were all time bombs on fault lines
Have we lost everything now?
We're walking like each others ghosts
Around these silent streets
(the sedatives tells you everything is all right)
Like calendars dying at new years eve parties
As we kiss hard on the lips
And swear this year will be better than the last
Jet black-the ink that spells your name.
Jet black- the blood thats in your veins.
Jet black-we say how long can we take this chance not to celebrate?
There's music playing but we dance to the beat of our own black hearts
and draw diagrams of suicide on each others wrists,
then trace them with razorblades.
Fire to flames, strike match
Burn these words from our lips
As the dagger screams love is dead
And its a newspaper tragedy
Have we lost what we love?
Have we said everything
Does it change anything?
Stare at the clock, avoid at all costs,
This emptiness.
Ten seconds left until midnight
Nine chances to drown ourselfs in black hair dye
Eight faces turned away from the shock
Seven windows and
Sx of them were locked
Five stories falling
Four ever and ever
Three cheers for the mirror now of the
Two of us can we have
One last dance
How long can we take this chance not to celebrate life?
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:54 PM | Comments (2)
November 07, 2003
Under where?
Anyone want to buy Rusty's boxers for me?
To buy or not to buy...that really is the question now isn't it?
Comedic purposes of course.
"...and to sniff them." - Rusty
Psssh! Just trying to help a poor artist out.
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:20 PM | Comments (0)
I'm getting too damn lonely.
I'm getting too damn lonely.
Love me, damn it.
Please?
*smacks head on desk*
I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:00 AM | Comments (9)
November 06, 2003
Note to self:
Second graphic at the top looks like shit on a bright computer screen. You can see the lame coloring in paint. Make sure to change that. Blah. Someone should have told me that!
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:46 AM | Comments (0)
November 05, 2003
I will go down with this ship
Yesterday I got applications for a job. 4 applications actually. Fye, Claire's, Kay Bee's, and Goody's. Yes, I hit the mall. I don't want a job because I know I'm going to be pressed for time regarding school work and essays but...I need one in order to survive. My mom came down and told me that maybe I should think about cleaning before I get a job. What does that have to do with anything? 0_0 I mean, it's not like she's giving me money to clean or anything. I kind of need money to survive.
Mothers are fickle things. They tell you all your life to go get a job. To stop trying to get money off them and to go make your own. And then when you finally take the steps to do that...they get all pissy.
WTF?
Wow. They just had a commercial for Finger Eleven. FINGER ELEVEN LYNZ!!!
Eeep. Not sure if that's good or not.
So anyway, today my goal is to clean this room. Since apparently cleaning > than my school work. In my mother's opinion of course. :-/ Whatever.
"I'll let it pass and hold my tongue and you will think that I've moved on.."
Posted by Nikalyn at 12:47 PM | Comments (2)
November 04, 2003
I listened to Naruto music
I listened to Naruto music all day in my car. LOUDLY. Just letting you know. Aren't you proud of me?
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:27 PM | Comments (2)
November 02, 2003
How to succeed at failing at test
My essay on how to fail a test and look good doing it for Comp I class.
*Removed by advice of Dil. If you want to read, which I doubt you do, contact me and I will allow you to read it*
The funny thing is I've never really failed a test before. Not bragging really, it's just one of the elements that makes the paper humorous. ;)
Posted by Nikalyn at 02:32 PM | Comments (1)
November 01, 2003
Halloween Aftermath
With my dumb cam I can never get my full on outfit. But I did manage to take a few pictures of me with my hood and such. Just thought I would post them if anyone cares to see.
I looked hot. I'd do me last night.
Too bad no one else will.
And yes, I am doing "Looking away from cam". There is no way for me to look straight at the cam and look good. I've tried. It doesn't work. Blah.
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:46 AM | Comments (3)