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March 31, 2003
Homework @ 9
Yeah...it's probably not a good thing to start writing an essay at 9 the night it's due. :-/ I got busy working on my senior will and playing Dot Hack. Damn it. I hate writing boring essays that mean nothing to me. *stomps foot* It's going to be a long night methinks.
By the way...I've come to decide that I need a boyfriend. Any takers? Send applicants my way. *grins and winks*
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:32 PM | Comments (3)
March 29, 2003
She's got the look
With a na na na na na. Sue me...I don't know exactly how that song goes. Just something to that effect. Anyway, it's done. My hair is done. It's blonde. But the cool part is that the red wouldn't come completely out. Mwhahahaha. That was the point after all. So the blondest the bottom half of my hair would get is a reddish blonde color. Strawberry Blonde as the lady who did my hair said. Ha. It rocks. So then I have blonde highlights throughout it. It's such a cool contrast. It's a total Rogue moment I think. I do like it. It's such a huge change. Hell even the cut is different. It's mega short.
So I do like it. I do have permission to do whatever I want with it after my mom's pics are taken. So...I can always dye it dark again if I want.
What do you guys think of the new me? (Click below for pics)
Like it?
My left hand is tingly. Am I having a stroke? :-/
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:31 PM | Comments (7)
March 27, 2003
So much off my chest
SHOOT!!!! I forgot to save that pic of me all nakey. I thought I looked nice. I was gonna save it...any people happen to have saved it and can give it to me? LoL. Who would have saved it? Haha. Oh well. I guess I can always do another one. *grins* Later that is.
Anyway, enough talk of nakedness.
Tomorrow is Friday and you know what that means!! No...not drinking until we throw up. Ha. We wish. It's report card day! Hurray! Now usually I wouldn't be happy about this but I think I did really good this 9 weeks. :) I feel all proud of myself. Although, everytime I do this one of my grades that I thought was an A ends up being a B and I cry. :( So...if I come home upset tomorrow that is why. Damn it. I hate getting my hopes up. *bites tongue*
It's been a good couple of days to be honest. A nice week. Tis almost spring break. Okay...not really...It's like in the middle of April cause our school is a bunch of communists...but ya know. It's nice to look forward to. I got a spiffy new game that I'm playing. I'm learning and getting better at real time battles so...that's good too. I'm very proud of myself for sticking with that! But Dot Hack is such a good game...I can't just not play it because of that. But the process of beating it will be a slower one because...well I've taken this whole week to just learn how to fight. It's alright though. I needed to learn.
Another cool thing that is happening this week is that my aunt is coming down for a whole week! It's always fun when she comes down here because well...she's pretty darn rich. Even though she never shares the damn wealth it is fun to watch her buy stuff. LoL. Plus she always puts my mom in a good mood. So that's good as well. Oooh that reminds me...I think I needed to clean. Oh well, after I post this.
And yet again another cool thing happening...well...not really cool....but yeah. I'm getting my hair dyed again. Professionally by my mom's friend. My mom hates my hair this color and INSISTS on dying it back to its original color...which she will NEVER duplicate but I'm allowing her to try. That's happening Saturday morning. I'm actually in a demented way excited. I don't really want my hair blondy again but...it's always fun for me to go to get my hair done and a change was definately needed. Maybe shedding the hair for awhile will let me get back to my roots. Hahahaha Roots! Get it? Mwhahahaha. Anyway, my mom wants some kind of senior picture with my blonde hair so...I'm doing this to shut her up. She already said I could dye it back sometime after she got her pictures. Which I will take her up on...just not right away. I'm sure I'll be blond for awhile. *sighs* See none of you even knew me as a blond! So you guys don't even know how I look. Hrm...maybe it will be best...again it might let me get back to a self that I hid away. Coloring my hair back might let me escape some things.
But maybe I'm just looking at it way too symbolicy.
Oh! My mom also sent out my money for my senior yearbook FINALLY and she called about my cap and gown for graduation and the lady said they would be sending us a bill. So finally that pressure is off my chest. Speaking of chest...I really wanted that nakey pic! DAMN IT. Okay...back to what I was saying... My mom also called the college that I will attending and asked if I had to send in an application or just the paper they sent me. They are sending me a package of papers sometime next week. So that is taken care of for the moment as well!
Whew!
Life is good this week.
P.S. Tony Blair is hot. Here's a little advice for you...get your own man. LOL I can't believe I said that. I'm the biggest loser.
*sighs*
Oh yeah we already established that today.
Like I said...one day I will be cool.
You just wait!
*runs off, trips over the cat, and hits the wall*
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:24 PM | Comments (2)
March 25, 2003
That's It.
It's final.
Clay Aiken from American Idol is like my soul mate. LoL. I swear to God. He's such my nerdy type. And every song he sings is one of my favorites from waaaaay back in the day. It's just getting plain weird!
First show...sang Journey - Open Arms. Me and Journey. We're close. I heart Journey. That's like one of my favorite songs.
Then I find a bootleg of him singing I'm Not Supposed to Love You Anymore by none other than Bryan White. My favoritest country star...if I had a favorite country star.
Then he sings Somwhere out there! The song from An American Tale. My mom and I always went around singing it. My grandma had a music box that used to play it and I always wanted it. I love that song.
And then....
Tonight was country night so I was all psyched up that he might sing I'm not supposed to love you anymore...does he? No. But he instead sang...Someone else's Star also by Bryan White!!
!!!!
Can I stop the presses and marry him now?
*dreams*
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:16 PM | Comments (3)
The 25th
It's naked day on one of my webcam portals. I thought I'd join in for once. :)
So no I'm not crazy. No I'm not trying to be sexy. No I'm not trying to copy. And no I am not trying to turn anyone on. LoL. Like that could happen anyway.
Just thought I'd let you guys know.
By the way...I'm getting my hair redyed Saturday morning by order of my mother. I don't want it...but I decided to just shut her up and go with it. I like myself so much better as a brunette...well...whatever I am. I decided to humor my mother for the moment...let her get her pictures or whatever she is planning....and then later dye it back. Plus once I get a job...when that happens and since I'm 18 she can't really stop me. So...in conclusion, I will more than likely be a blonde again on Saturday. Bah...
Posted by Nikalyn at 06:30 PM | Comments (2)
March 24, 2003
I converted one...and then made him jealous
Not sure if that's good or not....Hrm...just more competition.
Plan for world domination....errr...Blair domination:
1st- Get rid of Blair's wife...
2nd- Get rid of potential threats i.e Geekster
Magnetic Enigma: lol I wish you'd never talked about blair now
Magnetic Enigma: cause I take notice of him...
The Magess: lol
The Magess: he's hot isnt he??
The Magess: :D
Magnetic Enigma: yes
The Magess: hahaha
The Magess: told you
The Magess: you cant have him
Magnetic Enigma: can't believe I'm saying it but yes he's ho
Magnetic Enigma: hot**
The Magess: LMAO
Magnetic Enigma: the accent thing
The Magess: I know!
Magnetic Enigma: yes, canadians have accents
The Magess: major hottie
Magnetic Enigma: but I don't like theirs
The Magess: I dont either
Magnetic Enigma: the british one is sexy
The Magess: used to date one
The Magess: I used to date a brit too
The Magess: hehehe
Magnetic Enigma: bitch, I hate you I wanna date one
The Magess: hehehe. It was nice while it lasted
Magnetic Enigma: I bet
The Magess: it was especially was nice when you were doing dirty things to him and he does all that moaning and swearing in an accent
The Magess: ^-^
The Magess: :D
Magnetic Enigma: *gasp*
Magnetic Enigma: you lil' whore
The Magess: lmao
The Magess: he was my boyfriend! it was allowed
Magnetic Enigma: what exactly are we talking about
Magnetic Enigma: sucky sucky 5 dolla
The Magess: lol yes
Magnetic Enigma: *gasp*
The Magess: he sounded quite sexay
Magnetic Enigma: I haven't even been able to do that with a brit!
The Magess: I didnt know people could moan with accents
The Magess: hehehe
Posted by Nikalyn at 11:05 PM | Comments (5)
*screams loudly*
...
Um...yeah.
Had to get that out.
I know everyone hates me.
I will shut up.
*screams more*
Posted by Nikalyn at 06:52 PM | Comments (0)
Le sigh
I feel icky.
I hate my fucked up head.
Stop thinking! Stop thinking!
Being a senior is cool I guess. But you have too many things that have to be done. Deadlines and fees and blah blah blah.
I have two different payments due and have to turn in an application for Washington state. Not sure how to do that exactly.
I'm sick of shit. Maybe I'll take a day off sometime this week.
It's bright outside. What some people would call "spring" Ick. I don't like it. It's too nice of weather for my taste. I thrive on misery I think.
I'm here, ready to take it all. Everything's feeling unclear.
I wish it was raining...
I hate every beautiful day.
Posted by Nikalyn at 03:49 PM | Comments (2)
March 23, 2003
*Growls*
I hate it when people bring me down with their shitty moods. Especially when I was TOTALLY proud of something I did and I wanted to show him. But instead he informed me of something...I got mad because crap like that ALWAYS happens to me and I wanted to rant for a second and he got all bitchy. What the fuck is his problem? I never talk to him anymore. NEVER. Because he's always away. Or working. Or ignoring me. Or whatever he's doing. The one time I get to talk to him he gives me all this fucking attitude. What's up with that shit? If you don't want to talk to me just give me the word and I'll stop. I don't need a coversation in which I talk to myself and you give me ...'s. I hate those things. They're so damn demeaning. Just tell me you think I'm shallow and stupid. Might as well! I wanted to actually talk to you. I wanted to share with you something I had made today with my crappy computer skills but for some reason still felt proud of. I just wanted to make you proud of me as well.
Whatever.
Sorry I'm shallow and annoying.
I'll just leave you alone from now on if that's what you want.
I was having such a good day too.
I'm going to bed...
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:25 PM | Comments (2)
March 21, 2003
It's Friday Once More
And you know what that means...
Friday Fifteen!
1.) So let's just say there was a war going on somewhere in the world*cough*, What country would YOU destroy for no justification? (you may pick country or a television evangelist)? - Um. All of them? Oh...what I can only pick one? Can China and Japan be one? I'm very mean. No wonder everyone hates me.
2.) Let's say, hypothetically( though it could turn out to be true), that you were a call girl... (and they get paid good because the rich people use them...) and you only had space for one person this night, Would you pick Tony Blair, George Dubya, or The Queen? Why? - DUDE! I wouldn't even have to be a call girl to want to do Tony Blair. Holy fuck that man is hot. Like I said. I would prime his minister good and dirrty like. Notice the two r's. I'm cool. Cool like an ice cube on a warm day...err.
3.) What would you take on this special occasion with the person you picked from the last question? (Multiple Choice)
A. Condom, KY Jelly, the normal stuff. I'm not Kinky. In fact, I'm boring.
B. Leather and Bunch of it, It's smooth and so am I.
C. Whips and Chains. I'm kinky and pretty horny right now.
D. A Kangaroo, a plastic fork, and a beanie baby. because I need to be in an Institution. - D. I'm really excited to see how that will work itself out in the end.
4.) Is love really a battlefield? Do we stand heartache to heartache? Do we really have no promises, no demands? Give your opinion and explain why love is or isn't a battlefield. - I never understood that song much. Love is a battlefield. Like a battlefield, love includes a hot british man who is much older than me every time. Concidence? I think not my mofo.
5.) Let's say you're in some desert... you have six choices unless you want to die.... (Another Multiple Choice) What would you choose?
A. Ride a llama.
B. Ride some ants.
C. Eat the Llama.
D. Eat the ants.
E. Surrender to the troops.
F. Become Michael Jackson. - Hrm. B. Just because I'd like to see how those damn ants could carry my fat ass. Although they do say ants can carry a lot of weight on their back. Well...let's try an experiment shall we? Here anty anty anty....
6.) NOW, you're in some dessert, you have six choice on what you want to be... (Again, a multiple choice), What would you be?
A. The Ice Cream... ohh cold, smooth, and creamy.
B. Icing, Chocolate. Sweet, sticky, and spread out.
C. Cake. Spongy, Springy, and make people fatter.
D. The painted picture on top. Personal, happy, and obvious.
E. Little figurines on top, AKA Michael Jacksons left over plastic nose shavings. Look cool at first, turn out to be generic, and kinda gross.
F. Michael Jackson naked in the cake... Fluroscent, Gross, Makes people skinny. - Um. A. I think. Can't a be a twinkie?
7.) "Straight up now tell me do you really want to love me forever?" Is what the call girl said to you when she was fucking you... You are Tony Blair, what would you say? (Amadeo is flipping out on multiple choice)
A. War is unavoidable.
B. I have an accent.
C. Oh, oh, oh ... Were you caught in a hit and run?
D. Damn, from Lakers Cheerleader, to Singer/Dancer, to American Idol, to Call Girl....The world has really gone downhill...
E. Do you like accents? Because if you touch Simon, oh bitch...He's my man.
F. Yea you like how those chains work, .....bitch. - B. Gotta love the man's accent. After I was done exclaiming about my sexay accent I would carry myself to my fancy british bedroom, take off all my clothes, and touch myself in front of a mirror....errr...I meant, make laws and stuff.
8.) If life has got you down, your lover left you, your cat got hit by the trash truck, and you just realized that there are naked pictures of you on the internet and you have the following things around you, which one will you kill yourself with? Explain why and go into all the gorey details surrounding your untimely yet fun death.
A. scissors
B. a can opener
C. bottle of perfume
D. stapler - I say B. I would put the can opener to my head, attempt to open my skull with it but end up failing and stabbing myself in the eye while trying. While blind I will stumble around the room flailing my arms screaming something about monkey's and duct tape. I will then trip over the cat, slip on the blood from my eye and fall out the window, killing me on impact when I fall onto the BBQ.
9.) You are walking down the street and see a group of ninjas. They look very frightening and look! I think one of them just taunted you! What do you plan on doing about this big man?
A. Run in the other direction, go hide in your room and cry
B. Go to run in the other direction but fall and end up getting your ass kicked by ninjas
C. Distract the ninjas from kicking your ass by telling them an intreguing story about the things you did one time with a monkey and a screw driver
D. Throw down your bags and prepare to give those bastards the biggest ass whippin' they've ever encountered.
E. Apologize to the ninjas when it turns out the ninjas were really a pack of nuns doing a canned food drive. C and D. I would tell this story about me and a monkey and a screw driver. While they were pondering the meaning of life over a nice cup of hot chocolate I would whip out my monkey...err...I mean the screwdriver and attempt to whip their pansy asses with my it. Stabbing it into their skulls over and over. Psh. That will teach those nuns to taunt me. Bitches.
10.) Posers must die! Posers must die! DIE POSERS DIE!! DEATH DEATH DEATH!!! Oh wait...this isn't a question. Umm...if you were confronted by one of these posers what would you do to put the mother fucker in her/his place? i.e. : Nuh uh honey I'm Aaron Carter's biggest fan. You betta back the fuck up! Biatch! Hrm. I would probably just keep my mouth shut and swallow my integrity. Just like I always do....*sighs*
VOID *ignore this question*--.) Which person would you eat (flesh, liver, spleen and all)?
A. Madonna
B. Michael Jackson
C. Paula Abdul
D. Pat Benatar
E. Michael Bolton
F. William Shatner VOID *Amadeo just figured out this was illegal* VOID
11.) When the lights go out will you really show me what it's all about? What if I'm Donald Trump or Colin Powell or even Rumsfeld? Or Banana's in Pajamas? - Banana's are sexy. Banana's in pj's? Even sexier!!!!
12.) Seriously, What is Love?-Baby don't hurt me, Don't hurt me no more. Love is just an illusion.
13.) If there was a midget with downsyndrome convention in your town would you go? Why/Why not? Would you laugh? Would you cry? Would you give one a hammer? Would you tie a string to one, and swing it around? Sure I would go. And I would put on a charade where I cared. But I would stuff a midget down my shirt and put a string on it. Then I would use it as a yo yo. I never got one of those as a child. :(
14.) Hey Look it's my name in Japanese.... Fuck yeah it's my god damn name in Japanese!
15.) If Nikalyn and Amadeo were walking home from school and a war was going on, alarms going off, bombs exploding, the screams of death in the air, the works....would you pick them up and vroom them off to safety, or would you let them walk the long way to their firey deaths? - Pick them up they're hot. - LMAO LMAO I swear to god that said pick them up while they're hot. Like a bucket of chicken or something! LMAO LMAO. MMmmmm. I wish I had chicken. Maybe the war will blow up some chickens around us. I'm too lazy to actually cook chicken. Yummy...burnt, nuclear chicken...*drools*
Tune in to Amadeo's blog for lots more Friday 15 fun! :D
As always this Fablously Funny Friday Fifteen was brought to you by Nikalyn and Amadeo.
*burps*
I have heartburn.
Posted by Nikalyn at 06:05 PM | Comments (7)
March 20, 2003
War...what is it good for?
Note: Long winded rants inside. These rants are solely owned by Nikalyn and do not reflect those of the Aspyre community or those mentioned herein. If you don't enjoy my rants then go tell someone who cares cause...apathy is the name of the game here. If you agree to all these terms then read on.
Hrm. So the big thing nowadays is this war thing. News replaces all my favorite tv programs and interrupts the ones they do show whenever anyone in Iraq so much as sneezes. I also noticed that the radio has been overran by news on the war as well. My study hall, better known as "gossip hour", has become a forum for debate and my whole school is overrun by arguments for and against the war.
Are we having fun yet?
I personally have no real opinions on war. Okay, I guess if you wanted to be picky you could say having no opinion in itself is an opinion and to those people I say: "Shut the hell up and let me write my damn blog entry." Okay, now that is taken care of. As I was saying...I have no real opinions. I can see both points behind the issue. I understand that they are a threat...I also understand that innocent people may die. But then again...don't innocent people die every day? In every situation a country faces there will be people who are for it and those who are against. It's just the way things are. You will never find a happy medium. No one will ever be happy with their country's actions. I don't really care what happens. I don't care that there is a war...well I do but I don't cheer for it. And I don't care if there wasn't a war. Either way...I don't really care. I know it sounds bad. I probably should care...but I don't. It's not that I'm not informed. It's not that I'm ignorant or stupid. I just...have better things to do.
I'm the first to admit that my life is fucked. Maybe not on the outside but I'm a complete nutcase inside my head. I have so much shit going on right now and so many things that I have to worry about. My motto is: If it doesn't affect me directly then don't worry about it until it does. I have far too many things to worry about right now to worry and cry about things that may or may not happen. I have my own problems to deal with and I don't care to waste my time on worrying about the country's problems as well. I can only take so much.
I'm not for the war. I'm not against it. I'm nothing. Apathy is fun. You tend to block all those bad war vibes out. The only thing I can say for certain about this whole thing is that I'm interested in it. The last war...or bombings I was too young to understand what I was looking at. I just saw video footage of a town with pretty flashing lights above it. Now I can watch the footage and the new casts and understand things. It's interesting really. It's our government in action. This is their time to either shine or to be crushed. I tune in all the time to merely see how things are going. It's like a bad reality show. You don't care for it either way but once you see one episode you have to keep tuning back to see how things are going. You just have to see how the damn thing will end. This is how I see things
One thing I don't get is protesters. Yes, I know they have freedom of speech but really...in all honesty what is all that shouting accomplishing? I guess I'm cynical but I don't feel a couple voices will get anything done. And what's the point of protesting something that is already happening? You can't stop it. You can't do anything. Might as well just sit back and watch Bush dig himself into a hole. (If that's how you feel) I guess they do it to show the country they aren't happy about things and to prove to other countries that not everyone in the US are war happy. Hrm. I don't know. It doesn't make sense to me. Seems like way too much effort for nothing in return. Why do you care what other countries think of you anyway? I don't know.
What I also don't get is people doing walk outs from school in protest for war. What the hell does that accomplish? Walking out of school....? The school has nothing to do with the government unless you get federal funding...but our school doesn't so...yeah. Makes no sense to me.
Okay, honestly I'm not a nice person. I hate a lot of people. I don't enjoy a few countries out there. So...I'm not really bothered that some innocent people will die. Like I said, innocent people die every day. You just can't help it. Casualities in war are inevitable. I'm not heartless. I know some of them are women and children. But it's just the way things are. If some die...I know I won't be keeping myself awake at night because of it. I hope a lot of people won't die. But if they do...then...they do. Sometimes you can't get caught up on the death count. *shrugs* I guess I'm a bad person.
The only lives that I actually care about are the people I know who are actually involved. And I only know personally one person who is over there. And...we actually don't know if he is. We just haven't heard anything from him lately. A couple of my friends have friends and family over there...so of course I don't want them to get hurt or anything. But...like I said, sometimes in war people die. If it's meant to be...then it will be. I just wish them the best and hope for safety.
Bah. I'm actually getting kind of sick about hearing about damn war. It's freaking everywhere and I can't escape it.
Apathy is good though. I don't get all pissy when people say things that I don't believe. Cause...I don't believe in anything. It sure makes the day a lot more enjoyable. Cause damn. If I cared about it, you know how much fighting I'd do during school hours. Damn...everyone argues all day.
But one thing I know, if they ever decide to interrupt American Idol to broadcast something about this damn war then me and the government are not going to be on good terms. No one and I mean NO ONE interrupts fucking American Idol.
Watching reality shows while the world is at odds and the fate of the world hangs in the balance.
*grins*
Gotta love it.
Hehehe...sorry. Just had to get that out. He's such a cutie. *thinks she's the only one alive who thinks that...*
Hrm.
You know me and english guys.
He sounds so cute and enforcing when he talks about war.
Yum.
I would like to prime his minister.
Rawr.
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:55 PM | Comments (6)
March 19, 2003
*stomps foot*
Cmon now...
Seriously.
I mean it this time.
Grrrrrrr...
Anyway, I'm very very cold right now. I swear to God. So FING cold. It's nice outside apparently but inside its freaking freezing. It's one of those times you want to get into some warm clothes, curl under a blanket, and take a nap. I think I might do that actually. Hrm...*ponders*
It's been a busy week and I haven't got to bed until 12 every night this week. I've had movies to watch and homework to do. I hate it when I don't get to bed before 10. I get cranky and irritated.
I feel icky. I look icky. I'm upset because I wish I was cool enough to have senior pictures...but then again that would require me being pretty enough to look good in them. Everyone says to just print out a damn picture from on here...and I tried and the color is really funky. I don't know. I just got new ink too. So...I don't know. I give up I guess. Hrm. Oh well. I'm known for my "who cares about school activities anyway?" attitude.
Okay I'm gonna go and take a shower and then a nap. Or...the other way around. Not sure yet. Before I go, a picture I found while oddly enough looking up pictures of a person with a gun to their head. Hehehe. It looks like two guys...but...maybe that one is a girl? Can't really tell. Let's just say it's two guys cause...that makes it better. :D I think it's an interesting picture either way though. Hehehe.
Oooh Racy!!! ;)
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:12 PM | Comments (4)
March 18, 2003
Fine...
American Idol Funnies.
Randy(Black man who uses lots of that "gansta slang"): Man, you are dope! (referring to one of the contestants, Reuben)
Simon(A prim and proper English man although an asshole to most) : Man, you are dope? What the hell does that mean??
*Clay finishes singing "Somewhere Out There" from "An American Tail"*
Simon: *sniffs* I just love songs about mice.
Hehehehe. Those made me laugh.
I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me.
---My New Favoritest Saying :D
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:26 PM | Comments (3)
Givin you the funnies
Here ya go. Bored? Need entertainment? Go to these three sites and enjoy!
http://www.oddcast.com/vhost/bush/host.php -Fun with our President!
http://www.jesusdressup.com/index.html# - Fun with Jesus!!!
http://happytreefriends.com/watch_episodes/index.html# - Fun with Forest Animals!!!
And yes, you are welcome. ;)
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:10 PM | Comments (1)
March 17, 2003
Another mystery solved
To fill you all in, there was this weird sound in my living room/basement ceiling. Like rats or bunnies or bats or something. It freaked me out a lot. I didn't know what it was. So when it happened again today I decided to take a little peek. I went into the laundry room and looked up. Nothing out of the ordinary...until I heard a loud meow. It was Loki. My kitten. Of course. Apparently she had somehow climbed up mountains of clothes, boxes, refridgerators, and pipes and entered in this hole in the ceiling of the laundry room. She was climbing around there and apparently she was the one who made all the sounds. I don't want her to get caught in there or her go missing one day and then we end up finding her stuck up there dead or something. No no. So I did what any concerned mother would do, I took away the toy. I made the damn cat climb down from the ceiling and then I picked her up and closed the door to the laundry room. She seems so upset. Its really sad. She sits by the door and mews. *whimpers* I feel like such a big meanie...I don't want her to get stuck or dead or anything. It's for her own good isn't it? Awww...there she goes mewing again. Stop scratching at the door!! You're not getting in there. :( I feel like such a horrible mother...
Tough love isn't fun.
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:58 PM | Comments (4)
March 16, 2003
College = Crap
College. Bah. I'm so damn sick of thinking about it, and hearing it and worrying about it. I've said I was going to OU since the summer of 2000 and even got accepted there but...I don't think I'm gonna go. If I went I wasn't going to stay on campus...I hate people and its a big party school for a lot of them so...I wouldn't want to get caught up in all that. Two, money for staying there on campus is a lot more expensive than just driving there. Plus the campus is about 30 minutes away from here...if even that. So that's what I was going to do. Now I'm not so sure.
Athens is great. I love that place. I love the people and the scenery. And seriously I will probably end up living there. But I can't see myself going to college there right now. It's so much money that we don't have...
Today I looked at my papers from there and realized housing was due the 21st of Febuary...damn did I miss that date. I wasn't going to stay on campus anyway but...I don't know if you had to turn in the housing shit anyway. Ugh. So...realizing this crap made me look at all the papers that I had just thrown around my room in a cheap attempt to free myself from the pressure of college...at least for a few months. A few days ago I got a paper saying that I had received a full ride to WSCC, a local college. My mom of course jumped all over it since it was...for the most part...free. I don't know...all of this just got me thinking.
In the long run I think it would be so much easier, cheaper, and more beneficial if I just stayed here and went to WSCC for college next year. It will be close to home, I can get a feel for college life a little, and then in 2 years or so I can transfer to OU if I desire and have most of my stuff done.
So okay, I got this partly figured out. The issue of what exactly I'm going to study and what the hell I'm going to be when I "grow up" is a whole different issue.
Ugh...
So very sick of college shit.
Oh well...one problem down. A million to go.
By the way, thank you everyone who tried to cheer me up. I appreciate it. I love you guys. *smiles*
Posted by Nikalyn at 03:14 PM | Comments (3)
March 15, 2003
Self Destruction
I can't take this anymore. My problems, other people's problems. My head is so full right now that I just want to break down and cry...and probably will. I'm leading myself down this path that is not healthy. I cling to things that will never happen. I'm a complete mess actually. I'm killing myself slowly I think. Just without the blood and death part.
I can't really go into everything now...Amadeo is coming over. Why she wants to come over when I'm like this I will never know.
It's bringing me down...this dark abyss that I have come to love. I cannot control this...I act without question. Self destruction takes me under...I'll hurt myself again...
Posted by Nikalyn at 02:14 PM | Comments (5)
March 14, 2003
My Immortal...
Death taints your existance much too soon it seems.
http://www.annerice.com/ph20030114.htm
My poor beloved Amadeo. I wish I could make her feel better. But I know in times like this some people just have to be alone and deal themselves. I tried to help but I know my presence doesn't help much. So I offered her a song that I was listening to that would make me feel better, if I was her, and let her be. I know how much Anne and the stories meant to her. It was her escape, her search for a life much better than the one we are forced to live in. And when something takes that away...what can you hope for anymore? Where is your escape? Where is your solace then? I wish I could help her more...
I love you Amadeo. I'm here for you girl. I know you're hurting. *hugs*
I'm not sure what episode was the more sadder one today. Everything seemed to go wrong today. I received a 67% on my Physics test and ended up having an overrall grade in there for the quarter of an 89%. One point from an A.
Coming home I found myself thrust into a war zone and much fighting. Many things were said, many things were revealed...many of those things stung and left an imprint. The thing that hurt me the most was I called a bad friend. Now if you know me enough you know how I am with friendships. I'm the nicest person you will ever meet. I will give you anything that's within my power to give and I will be happy when giving it to you. I will sacrifice everything for my friends. I consider myself one of the nicest people around. I never say anything bad about people, even if sometimes I think it. I never speak my mind or say what I'm thinking sometimes just because I don't want to hurt the feelings of others. This is a hard job, I know. But I do it because I'd rather have all these feelings boil up in me and have me feel the pain rather than to hurt my friends for even a minute. I despise seeing my friends hurt.
Do you have any idea how much I have forgiven? So many situations I have just let slide in order to salvage friendships. I forgive almost anything but I forget nothing. I know maybe this isn't the best route sometimes but I do what I have to do in order to make friendships work. I've forgiven so much crap...Hell, if you know anything about me and Dil you know he did a BUNCH of shady things and I still talk to him. I've forgiven him. I'd rather have him as a friend than to live a lifetime without him. Does that sound stupid? Yeah, maybe it does. But it's the truth. I've forgiven my old friend Sara for talking bad about me for years...hell even forgave Amadeo a few times.
My forgiveness might be a sign of weakness...I might be stupid...I might just be naive. Not sure what I am. But I know what I'm not. And that's a bad friend...Hearing things like that really hurt. Mental scars are always the worst...
Speaking of the ex, I know it shouldn't really matter but...it kinda hurts when someone who used to care about you asks what's wrong with you and why your day sucked so bad....and then they go away and don't even listen to your explanation. I guess it shouldn't matter...I'm sure his phone call was important. It still kind of hurts...I mean...ack. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just wish he'd honestly care a little...6 months with a person should make you care a little about their welfare shouldn't it? I mean, I still care about his life. I listen while he goes on about his fun time out and feel proud when he tells me all these things he's finally getting done that he once only told me about. I mean, I care about those things. You'd think he'd care about me...just a little...maybe?
Hrm...I guess I shouldn't care. Just with the day I had it was nice that he wanted to hear about my troubles. And then when he just dismissed it and went away without even a word...that just kinda made things worse.
Bah...it wasn't the best day today. I think here soon I will just crawl into bed and sleep this day away. I wanted to drink a little tonight with my girl but since she wasn't allowed to come over...one of the other bad parts of the day...I guess I'll just go to bed.
For Amadeo: This song made me feel better. Maybe you'll feel the same about it? It kinda relates to your situation I think.
"My Immortal" - Evanescence
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all my childish fears
but if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
'cause your prescence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
i held your hand through all of these years
but you still have...all of me
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face, it haunts
my once pleasant dreams
your voice, it's chased away
all the sanity in me
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
i held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
but though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
i held your hand through all of these years
but you still have...all of me
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:53 PM | Comments (2)
*Squeaks*
http://www.elijahfan.com/images/Scans/VogueItaly/005.jpg
Just something to brighten your morning with.
Since I'm in school I'll blog later. Have a nice day you guys.
*beams*
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:20 AM | Comments (10)
March 12, 2003
Love Song
I might be mixed up. I might be confused and unsure of everything around me. I know I'm not the nicest person or the smartest. Most certainly I'm not the popular girl or the hot girl that someone would want to copy and paste my hot or not link to a chatroom. I know I'm not perfect. I have flaws. But I'm just trying to obtain what some have such an easy time of getting: love and acceptance. I'm a loner. I'm a dork. I'm not always right...however, I'm not always wrong. I get screwed over...a lot. So many people like to hurt me and don't even feel bad afterwards. I'm a target for pain. Despite that I can turn around and forgive them for their actions. I cry a lot. I say nothing but think constantly. I am sensitive and so many things hurt me, even the little things. Its hard for me to let things go. Even though I think before I act, I'm a dreamer. I constantly yearn for things I will never get or...get back again. I'm obsessive. I'm clingy. I'm bi-polar. At times I'm a little bit crazy. However, I always make you think. I'm not quite sure of my future and I'm pessimistic. I don't think I'm worthy of much. I have low self esteem and am constantly putting myself down. I'm lazy. I'm constantly tired. I'm sick of being used. I'm not that innocent..although I like to say I am. I'm in love. I'm everything. But I'm nothing. I try to be the hero. I attempt to be the greatest friend/girlfriend(when I'm taken)/person I can be. I strive to make a lasting impression on someone's life. I'm nothing that you've ever seen before. I'm an enigma. Honestly, sometimes I don't know what the hell I am.
Luckily, despite all that, someone loves me anyway.
http://www.geocities.com/asterik69_67/lovenik.html
Things like this make my scrambled life worth living. Things like this make me glad I didn't give up a few months back. I make life great for one person and this means a lot to me. Even when I don't know what I am or what I'm doing or thinking or whether up is down and right is left, someone out there accepts me for what I am....whatever that is, and loves me.
*smiles*
I hope she knows I love her too.
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:52 PM | Comments (6)
March 11, 2003
My American Idol
Clay Aiken. I heart him. He's such a little dork! So my type. *grins* Go Clay!
I love that picture. *melts*
Go Clay! I'm rooting for you boy!!!
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:14 PM | Comments (3)
School
Blogging at school rocks. Too bad I have nothing to say. Erm...
I did catch up on blogs though.
At least all the ones that this computer will let me go to.
I don't feel that hot at the moment though. My stomach hurts and I am really really hot feeling. Ick.
Plus I'm annoyed. I think I need to stop getting upset about stupid things. But...other people get annoyed at small things and I just have to shut up and support them. But when I'm annoyed at things I have to shut up and seethe in my own personal space. Ugh. Why is that?
Anyways...I hope I feel better later.
Hey I'm coming up on 500 comments. Who will be the lucky commenter??? *bites her nails* The suspense is yummy.
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:57 AM | Comments (9)
March 10, 2003
LG's Own Reality Tv Series
Caught your attention? Would you like to experience the hot new craze that has all of the world talking? Well now you can! The brand new reality show is coming directly to a chatroom near you! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:
Watch in excitement as tons of guys drool over our panel of girls brought to us by the fine folks over at Hot or Not.com and Emode.com. Sit back and enjoy hours upon hours of fine tuned cut and paste action as our boys mechanically flood the room with link after link of whorey girl goodness. Observe the sadness, the desperation, the most pathetic display of girl ogling to take place this year!
Did you like that? Want more? Then head on out to the LG almost any night, pull up a chair, bring out the popcorn and enjoy. The lowest form of desperation known to man coming right to your living room! Experience the anguish. Experience the heart ache. Experience the irritation from all the other chatters in the room forced into watching this display.
Guaranteed to be the greatest dose of reality you've experienced in quite awhile!
Come! Come and join the most funnest game known to man!
Coming soon to a Lockergnome chat room near you....
Note: Sorry to all males gnomies who this might affect. This is something that needed to be done whether or not you guys see this or not. It had to be said. I do like you guys immensely however your behavior does become a nuisance after awhile of it. I understand your situation but don't bring us into it. Yes some of the girls are nice looking but the others are pretty much....yeah not going to say. Please be more considerate next time for LG isn't just a playground for your male fantasies. Unless you are seriously considering hooking up with the chick don't even show the picture to us for it just shows that you are low and quite desperate. Hooking up on the internet is one thing, going to a site to stare at chicks and drool is a whole entirely different story. By the way, I'm sorry I was never your type...I can only do so much.
If he only knew...
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:29 PM | Comments (5)
March 09, 2003
Awake
Okay...I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't have anything really important to say. I just for some reason want to post this song. It's one of my favorites at the moment. If you want an actual...well...kinda real entry scroll down to the previous entry.
But for now...my little depressed self would like to post these lyrics. Oddly, when I get depressed I like to stay that way for awhile. Dwelling comes naturally to me. So...thats why I'm listening to depressing songs such as this one.
"Awake" - The Scaries
Awake...
Through the years it takes to see you.
Until I almost lose my mind.
Guess I'll never be alright.
And I'm sorry you had to see this...
But I'm such a mess
And I never could forget...
I'm scared I'll miss the way we used to talk.
And if it's all forever lost...
Don't want to know.
I'm scared that you're the one that got away.
And I want you here with me tonight.
But you'll never come...
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:42 PM | Comments (3)
Okay...
Didn't like those pics much. Here. Look at these. Hi foof, yes I am taking up space with all these pics. *waves* I heart you.
Clicky
My lame attempt at smiling. It doesn't go over well. Maybe thats why I don't smile.
This is my favorite one. :D
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:24 PM | Comments (2)
March 07, 2003
Friday Fifteen (Rated Pg-15 1/2)
One. Have you ever been associated with a prostitution ring?- Only in times of war. I like to help out our boys. I'm very patriotic.
Two. Favorite Spongebob character? -Squidward and Gary...yeah me too.
Three. If you killed a hooker would you admit to it or dump her in the river to "Sleep with the fishes"? -Dump her in the river to "Sleep with the fishes" Its fun to roll bodies off the pier. Plus the fishes need to be fed.
Four. If you could be a Mexican food what would you be? - Umm...I made this question but never really did have an answer to it... I guess I would be some sour cream...that stuff rocks...wait...thats not Mexican. Shit. Well I give up then.
Five. If you saw a fish with legs what exactly would you do?I would be like "Dude, you're a fish with legs." And fish would be like "Dude, I know!" And I would be like "That's kick ass dude!" And the fish would be like "I know dude!!" And then I would be like "Dude! I said you had legs, not that you could talk." And then the fish would be like "Fuck!"
Six. If you have the chance to kill Anna Nicole Smith or Avril Lavigne who would you pick? - Avril because I don't like how she says she is different. Yeah, Avril you are different. Just like everyone else.
Seven. If you were stranded on a island where a religious jihad was going on....what three things would you bring with you and why?Amadeo, cause I couldn't live without her, the bible to point out to these people that God is fond of peace, and a muffin....cause its good to start out everyday with a nutrious muffin.
Eight. If you were still on that stranded island with the Jihad still going on and for some reason the three things turned into Blue, Steve, and a talking toothbrush.... and you were starving would you eat Blue, Steve, or the toothbrush? Why? - Steve...because he had to be a damn winner and go off to college leaving me with his gay "brotha" Joe. I don't take rejection and abandonment well...
Nine. If a gun shot goes off in the woods from you shooting the dirty hooker in the head and no one is around(but you two of course).....does it make a sound?-I meant to other people. OTHER people...cause if they hear it....I mean...my ass is grass...
Ten. If Nikalyn and Amadeo were forced to walk home from school on a cold cold day and you drove past them with your nice heated car would you honk and wave like an asshole or would you stop and pick them up?? - Pssssh. If I had this nice car I was talking about I wouldn't be walking now would I??
Eleven. Multiple Choice.If a sheep began talking to you and he reveals a GREAT plan to take over the world what would you do?
A. Shave the sheep and call it a dog
B. kill the sheep, take his plan, take over the world.
C. fuck the sheep, literally.
D. send the sheep to Ireland where it belongs
E. In order of C, A, then B...but then send yourself to Ireland where you belong. - E without question
Twelve. If you were choosing a hooker for a fine night of....ya know...would you go for the one armed Candy or the peg legged Bambi?- Bambi cause...ya know...she could use that leg to umm...my benefit. If ya know what I mean...wink wink.
Thirteen. Oh no. Your hooker turns up to be a female cop in disguise! What do you say to them in a lame attempt to be let go? - It wasn't me! It was my evil twin. nooooooooooooo! *sputters obscenities* *kicks female in the balls....errr....wait...* *runs away while the female is pondering my insanity*
Fourteen. Oh my god! The Female cop is really your grandmother, too bad you had sex with her (we are bewildered at the fact the female cop actualy had sex with you , we've never seen that on COPS...and bewildered that you thought she was a nice peice of ass)....and your lame excuses don't work...How do you kill grams? - Grandma!!! I knew you felt familiar!!! No Grandma don't tell mom...noooo. I told her I was going to the movies so I could come be with you. Grandma!!! I love you come back! What? Handcuffs. Ooh you know I like it rough. Bondage games? Oh yeah baby....What? Jail? I think not my friend. *shoots hooker in head*
Lastly, FIFTEEN.Do you have crabs? - Yeah...I keep them in a fishtank out in the kitchen...just in case we get to craving sea food.
The First but definitely not the last Friday Fifteen. Concept and Questions Made By Amadeo and Nikalyn.
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:42 PM | Comments (5)
And Now For Something Completely Different
Note: I am sick and talking about the constant mucus in my throat.
Crystalline Tears says: I cant talk, so much crap in my throat
Kuja says: have you been spitting it or swallowing?
Crystalline Tears says: swallowing
Kuja says: spit it dude... you can get an infection... I know since the bronchitis I had last year.
Crystalline Tears says:
yeah cant get it up though
Kuja says:
viagra helps.
Crystalline Tears says:
lmao
Kuja says:
hehehe
Hello sexual innuendos.
Posted by Nikalyn at 12:49 PM | Comments (1)
March 06, 2003
Damn it
I fucking hate when this happens. I get depressed about one thing and it starts a whole steam roller effect. I get depressed about that, I get depressed about this. I missed a movie I wanted to watch, the stupid president is bull shitting about nothing but yet I get depressed because I start thinking we're all gonna die, no one online talks to me...I start thinking bad ex things...ugh.
I hate this.
Damn depression.
It only sets in every once in awhile though. Or...maybe its always there I just lie to myself about it. I don't know. I know I shouldn't be upset but I am. Stupid little insignificant shite set it off. It will pass, it always does, at least for awhile. But at the moment...yeah...not that great feeling.
I'm also freaking sick ontop of that.
*goes to listen to Dashboard in an attempt to cheer herself up*
Reminds me of better times. Summer times I guess you could say. Wasn't it fun to be happy?
"Hands Down" - Dashboard Confessional
Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep.
This air is blessed, you share with me.
This night is wild, so calm and dull.
These hearts they race, from self control.
Your legs are smooth, as they graze mine.
We're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all.
My hopes are so high, that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer.
The words are hushed lets not get busted; just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions..
"Hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
So we can get some.
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer.
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember.
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo, the dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers.
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet and the gate was locked so I jumped it, and let you in.
And you stood at the door with your hands on my waist and you kissed me like you meant it....
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:56 PM | Comments (4)
Bittersweet
Winning is bittersweet. It seems my presence or the fact that I won caused a lot of animosity. I'm sorry if I upset any of the girls in the contest. I know it was a contest but I do feel very bad. I've been moping around the house all day because I keep thinking I hurt someone's feelings or that I made someone upset. I'm the kinda person who will never hurt someone intentionally. I can't stand to see people suffering. I hate talking to others because I'm afraid of their reaction and in this case I'm really scared that I upset a lot of the girls. I care sooo much what others think about me. I guess its one of my flaws...I will probably stay away from posting on the comments part of the Ringbearer site for awhile...maybe when the formal one comes I will start up again. But at the moment I think I just need to keep my mouth shut. I don't want to upset anyone again...
So yes, I won. But I guess it came at a cost: about 6 hours of depression.
Foof I'm sorry I was acting rude towards you. I was just depressed.
Deo sorry that I never responded. I just need to be alone.
I love you both.
I know I said I'd write a formal thank you today but...considering how I feel I guess it will have to wait until I feel better.
Posted by Nikalyn at 07:31 PM | Comments (3)
Yippee!!!!
I won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sooooooooo happy!!!
Thank you guys so much for voting for me!!!
Thank you everyone who participated. We all are awesome fans! Elijah is lucky to have us as fans. I'm glad for being in this contest and meeting so many wonderful girls. :) I hope to get to know you guys so much better!
Thank you Tahnee for even having this contest and for choosing me as one of the top delegates! I'm glad you believed in me :)
And a special thanks goes out to Amadeo and Noggie! My amazing campaigning team!!!
Everyone who posted my link on their blog or site, thank you!
Everyone who asked their friends who didn't even know what they were voting for, thank you!!!
Thank you all!!!
I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*beams*
I will write a more formal thank you tomorrow but right now I am tired and way too excited. I'm gonna get some much needed sleep.
I love you all! Thank you for making me so happy! You don't know what this means to me. :D
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:04 AM | Comments (17)
15 minutes to showtime
*bites finger nails*
*looks around room nervously*
*refreshes screen*
*tries not to pass out from taking to many cold pills*
*yawn*
*bites nails more*
Posted by Nikalyn at 12:46 AM | Comments (1)
March 04, 2003
Lately you’re all that I think about
The contest ends tomorrow. Well technically on Thursday. I do hope I win. Soooooooooo much. You don't know how many people are rooting for me and voted for me. Its damn near insane. I didn't know all these people liked me this much. Hell, my whole school came together and voted for me. :) It makes me feel all happy and tingly inside. But it also makes me feel like I can't let them down. We have all done so much hard work. It couldn't have been all in vain. I never win anything...will tomorrow be my day in the sun? I sure hope so. Cross your fingers for me. *smiles*
I did my math all night. It took a few hours. It tired me. I was already tired from the stress of this week and from writing a million papers. I still have about 4 problems that I don't know how to do but I said hell with it. I also have a bunch of physics to do but I didn't even open the book. *shrugs* I am lazy ya know.
I watched American Idol (since I'm addicted to reality shows) and my man did so well tonight!! If you didn't know my man is named Clay. He's like the biggest dork in the world but I adore him. I hope he wins!! And since they're choosing 4 people tomorrow I KNOW he's going to be one of them. He did the best job out of tonight's people.
*riverdances*
I'm excited. Tonight's a pretty good night. I hope tomorrow goes good as well.
Man, I wish I believed in God so I could pray...
I want to win sooooooo bad! LoL.
Lookie guys I made you a new entry so you can continue your religious jihad on a brand new comment block. *grins* You know I'm always thinking of you guys.
Annnnnd....since I want to go to bed super early I'm gonna be leaving now. It is currently 9:17 pm. I get up at 6:45 ish every morning so...thats about 9 ish hours of sleep. Sounds bloody brilliant.
I'm off.
Sweet dreams. I wish I had those lately...
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:18 PM | Comments (35)
March 03, 2003
Busy Busy!
Ugh. I have so much to do tonight. I have to write a whole paper and do my math and its already 8! Ack!! I was such a slacker today! Well it didn't help that I wasn't picked up from school today. That ruined my whole day. I had to walk home in the bitter cold with only a t-shirt and jeans on. Ick. I was unhappy the rest of the day. I did some playful bickering with the ex in chat, ate dinner, and finally changed my webcam pic! Hooray! Its about time eh? Well its not the greatest pic. I think I look semi cute though.
Two more days of the contest. Good thing too. I'm freaking stressing out. The contest ends at 1am Wednesday errr...Thursday morning. I have to stay until then to see if I pulled through or not. God thats gonna be a long night. I wish I had someone to stay up with me...*whimpers*
I miss...well, a lot of things.
Why am I attracted to heartache?
Now if you excuse me I'm gonna download a few songs, do homework, and attempt to pay attention to Fear Factor.
I'm sorry to see you crying.
I wish that I could stop those tears from fallin.
But you're someone else, someone who's never satisfied.
You claim that no one loves you, have you forgotten when I gave my world to you?
I know I'm so easy to forget, the memories, they fade.
I know you're caught up inside her, your feelings will never change.
But don't scream that no one loves you, you've never been more wrong.
Once upon a time you had endless love.
Too bad you screwed it up.
I'm sad to see it go...
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:22 PM | Comments (9)
March 02, 2003
What a strange turn of events
I did something that I thought I'd never do. I unignored the ex. Maybe because I learned of his breakup so I figured he'd be less hostile or maybe just because it was time. I don't know. But I did. And oddly enough, he was unignoring me at the exact same time. We can talk now. I think I've gotten over him because now it doesn't hurt and I've pushed back the urge to smack him in the head with a blunt object.
I think this is a good thing, no?
It's done something to me. I can't really explain what. A sense of tranquilty maybe. A feeling of peace. I feel like I don't have to fight anymore. Feeling like normal people comes without effort now. It makes me happy. I'm glad this all happened.
"That Winter Of '95" by New Found Glory
Do you remember when we used to talk on the phone for hours?
Or just kill time by counting stars before we went to sleep?
Do you still think I'm funny?
Do you...still think Iam?
Well, at least to one of us.
Sometimes I get a little out of hand.
I've made so many friends, so many plans.
A million people and too much time that I don't have.
The joke's on you...I don't understand myself.
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:47 PM | Comments (6)
Scary Convo
There was more of this convo but....I x'd out of the screen hoping he/she was done talking. Sadly, I was wrong. He/she started talking to me in French and I had no idea what the heck they were going on about...then they started going on with this convo.
Nondisclosed screenname: do you want my telephone number
Luc says: why?
Nondisclosed screenname: for speaking with you
Luc says: thats ok
Nondisclosed screenname:
Luc says: neat (Trying to get him to get the hint)
Nondisclosed screenname: you can phone to night
Luc says: no thats alright.
Nondisclosed screenname: when you can phone me ?
Luc says: I dont think I can
Nondisclosed screenname: plz
Luc says: why?
Nondisclosed screenname: i like speak whith you by phone
Luc says: why do you want to?
Nondisclosed screenname: to speak with you
Luc says: for what purpose?
Nondisclosed screenname: i like stand your voice (clueless on what this means)
Luc says: umm okay
Nondisclosed screenname: promi (promise? maybe?)
Nondisclosed screenname: so you can me phone after 1 heur ?
Luc says: sorry I cant
Nondisclosed screenname: pk ? (ok?)
Nondisclosed screenname: why?
Luc says: why would I?
Luc says: i dont even know you
Luc says: why would I want to waste money on calling you?
Nondisclosed screenname: so you can give me your phone number (uh thats the lamest concept ever)
Nondisclosed screenname: ?
Luc says: again....why would I want to waste money on calling you? I dont know you
Luc says: you just messaged me for the first time today
Luc says: why would I call you???
Nondisclosed screenname: sory
Nondisclosed screenname:
Luc says: its okay
Nondisclosed screenname: im very sorry
Luc says:
its okay
Nondisclosed screenname: thats im not happy
Luc says: alright
Nondisclosed screenname: im verry angry
Luc says: why?
Nondisclosed screenname: you wan't phone me (he was mad cause I wouldn't call him/her...darn)
Luc says: I dont even know you!
Nondisclosed screenname: whith the times you know me exactelly*(uh....I'm drawing a blank here...)
Nondisclosed screenname: ....... (nice use of elipses)
Luc says: what?
Nondisclosed screenname: so i have hope you phone me after 1heure ( aprè une heure) bye _ bye ciao+
And they still have hopes that someone they just met today and didn't even have a real conversation with is going to call them in an hour.
I'm just too nice sometimes. I let things like this slide. I play with them for awhile. Hrm...
I'm just too nice.
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:41 PM | Comments (3)
March 01, 2003
Quote
Tragedy teaches you how to die but comedy teaches you to live.
-Mr. Poe
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:10 PM | Comments (1)