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January 30, 2003
Sadness
I love you. I really do. I didn't mean it to sound like I didn't. There's just so much I can take ya know? I don't like confrontation and I don't like arguing. And I hate when it seems as if I'm in the cross fire for emotions meant to be aimed elsewhere. :-/ I'm sorry I acted as I did...I'm sorry if that makes me a bad person in your eyes.
I love you. I love you the way Sam loves Frodo....but doesn't admit it. ;)
Posted by Nikalyn at 06:48 PM | Comments (7)
January 28, 2003
Linkswap Bot Fun
Note: This is not an actual entry and I would appreciate it if you go read the previous entry as well as this one. thank you.
(@Nikalyn) !flower
(fluffyduck) <-- hands Nikalyn a @}--`--,--`---
(@Nikalyn) awww
(@Nikalyn) !kiss
(fluffyduck) <-- gives Nikalyn a sensual kiss leading to uninhibited sex on the driveway .. & at MacDonalds & at KFC, at Burger King & later they get it on at Walmarts
(@Nikalyn) !grope
(fluffyduck) <-- gropes you causing an orgasm in public
(@Nikalyn) hahahahaha yes!
(@Nikalyn) !sex
(fluffyduck) <-- òffÈ®§ yòÛ 3 DÁYS øf ûnÎntÉrrûptÉD wΣD SÉX .. ! ¥ëÁh! bÁbY! ! ! ! ! !
(@Nikalyn) whooo!
(@Nikalyn) action!
(@Nikalyn) hehehehe
(@Nikalyn) god I feel so loved
(@Nikalyn) !shoot
(fluffyduck) <-- shoots himself for Nikalyn
(@Nikalyn) Ah...love is so short lived.
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:32 PM | Comments (3)
Backage?
So apparently Aspyre is back now. The whole community was down because of a butt load of server switching crap. Everything seems to be back to normal and things seem to be running smoothly now. Good job Foof. :)
Anyways, I didn't really care about blogging being down. I was mad and on a blogging/commenting protest. I'm still kinda on the comment one.
Nothing really interesting happened but thats normal in my life.
School wise we had finals and now are on the new semester. Lots of new classes. Hopefully my GPA rises a lot this grade point because of the new easier classes that I've picked up. I no longer have a Government class which rocks much ass! And sadly I no longer have my Humanities class. But I did pick up a Shakespeare class taught by one of my favorite teachers and a Global Issues class. They will be really easy.
Hrm...I beat my video game that I have been working on the last few months, Wild Arms 3. It was quite enjoyable although the final boss all 13 forms of it!! gave me quite a beating towards the end. But I was proud that I actually completed a game. See, I have this obsessive complusive thing where I play games and get right to the end but never beat them....I guess its a fear of loss thing...or maybe a fear of sucess thing. *shrugs* But I was proud that I beat this game.
The most awesome thing happened just last night though. If you know me at all you know I've in the last few years come to like lots of techno music. And my most kick ass guy friend Jess makes techno music. :) I'm a huge fan of his actually/ I love his work and tell him that all the time. I have several of his songs on my winamp and listen to them constantly. But yesterday I received a email from him asking me to do vocals for his new song. This kinda took me aback cause...I've NEVER claimed to be a singer. Hehehe. But I figured it would be kick ass to participate in something like that. So despite my fear that I would suck I made him a sound clip anyways. All he wanted was a humming/bunches of ohh ohh things. LoL. Not a good description, I know. But he took it and tweeked it and ended up with this fantastic piece of music. Including my vocals!!! Yay!!! However, it sounds nothing like me. LoL. Well I mean it does...just a highly tweeked version of me. Jess made me sound ten times better than I am. Amazing what you can do with technology these days. But needless to say I'm so proud of him. Hell I'm proud of myself! Even though he deserves more credit than I do. I love the song. :) I listen to it non stop. It kicks much ass!
Hopefully, Jess puts it on a server somewhere when he's finished with the song so that I can send the url to people and they can hear it. :) I really want to show off to people. LoL. I'm just really proud! I don't know if I should be or not...but yeah...its still my voice under all that tweeking so HA!
*smiles*
So yeah...this is my first blog entry since my time off. Let's see how things go now. Hrm...its funny how people you THINK are your friends totally ignore you after awhile...No messages to see how you are or just any effort to show they care...I swear....I just don't get people.
Posted by Nikalyn at 06:06 PM | Comments (9)
January 15, 2003
*sighs loudly*
Jesus people....seriously...
I give up. I give up.
I don't even care anymore...
Common courtesy would be appreciated...but nooooooooooo.
Whatever...
Screw it...
*grumbles loudly and walks away*
Posted by Nikalyn at 06:06 PM | Comments (3)
January 14, 2003
Playtime with Knives
Whoever told you that it was unsafe to play with knives...well...they were right. But whoever told you that it was not fun to play with knives well they lied!
I was pissed...then depressed...then pissed again. Until I decided to take out my aggression and fake people out by taking disturbing pictures of myself with knives. *grins*
Then I felt better.
"Pain and the knife—they’re inseparable." Just a nice little quote I found. Anyways...here's some Pg 13 rated knife pictures. :D
If these pictures don't load, its because Yahoo is being stupid. Then head on to the link at the bottom...
For other Happy time knife pictures feel free to go to....don't worry. No blood. :)
http://photos.yahoo.com/nikalynthespiffy
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:06 PM | Comments (0)
January 13, 2003
Blah, general ickiness
Now that a certain someone has went away I'm faced with absolutely nothing to do. No, I rephrase that. Too much to do that I don't want to do. Physics is absolute hell. I despise that class with a passion. The final is tomorrow and I really am not looking forward to it. Considering I know nothing in that class...more than likely I will fail. I have three things to do tonight that are late papers...sue me I didn't feel like doing it...lol. Ugh..on top of that my parents decided to switch around my vcr, dvd player, cable box and all that stuff on my entertainment center. This led to them clearing EVERYTHING off. Meaning: everything that was on the entertainment center is now on my day bed and on the floor. And hey guess who just cleaned yesterday? Needless to say...I'm a little pissy about it. I never asked them to do all this crap. Why should I have to clean up their mess? Especially since I just cleaned yesterday!!!
Brilliant...My niece decided I looked better in an old baseball cap. And refuses to let me take it off. Gee, aren't kids darling?
Well I'm off to drink many caffeinated beverages and to attempt to do homework that was due days ago...and study for an exam that I have no idea what's on it.
Swell.
Posted by Nikalyn at 07:14 PM | Comments (5)
January 12, 2003
The Past: Revealed
Something happened today. Something that actually made me happy. That kind of happy where you just kind of dwell upon it for the rest of the night. Someone who a few months ago I would have said wasn't one of my favorite people in the world apologized to me today. It came out of no where. I was completely taken back by it really. No one really says they're sorry for their wrong doings. But they did. And I mean, I wasn't even upset about it. I didn't appreciate his antics but I never did hold animosity towards him and was always civil. But he came forth and said he was sorry for everything he might have done to upset me in the past. It was a really nice gesture. Things like that make my day. So of course I forgave him and we had this really nice talk for the rest of the night. It was really nice. *smiles*
On a school note however, I have readied everything for my two presentations tomorrow but I haven't studied for my actual exam. Hrm. Hopefully that goes alright. I also haven't done any of my physics homework. Oh well...I've pretty much said hell with that class until next semester. Unfortunately I cannot drop it...*frowns*
Oh well...I'm off to study. Have an excellant rest of the night everyone. :)
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:15 PM | Comments (2)
I wear sunglasses at night
I've been watching the VH1 I love the 80's special all day. Its really quite sad. What's even more sad is the fact that I know and participated in most of these things. Its kinda neat looking at all the things that were popular in 85, the year I was born. Lauran, one of my old friends who moved to Columbus, stopped by for a few hours today. We just sat around and watched tv. But it was fun catching up with each other.
I finally decided upon the picture to present for my Humanities project. I have decided to do this picture:
I thought it was quite artistic. I printed it out but the colors kinda screwed up because I have virtually no ink. Hopefully I can con someone into buying me some this week. Hopefully the picture is good enough. I will make sure to put it on a disc just in case the picture is not good enough for them. Now all I have to do is find out some stuff about the artist and develop a definition of art, make a poster or handout of it and then figure out how to defend my picture as art according to my definition. Not that hard at all.
I also have to finalize the songs and quotes to present for my A.P comp project. However, we're like a day behind in presentations so I probably won't have to present until Wednesday. Better safe than sorry though.
I have one actually final on Monday, my World Lit final. But since English is my best subject I could probably get an A on the thing without even studying. But I'm such a good student that I'll probably study anyways.
Hrm...man I'm a boring person.
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:08 PM | Comments (3)
January 10, 2003
My new favorite song
Everything
I remember you
do you remember me too
born on the 14th of July
the smell of roses made her cry
though your going far from home
rest assured your not alone
Cause I would give everything that I own
I'd give you my heart and this skin and these bones
the sun the moon the Earth the sky
I've never even stopped to wonder why
I would do anything
and I would give everything
to be your everything
Seems like such a long long time
since your body crossed my mind
but I think that you should know
it wasn't I who had to go
Cause I would give everything that I own
I'd give you my love and this heart made of stone
the sun the moon the Earth the sky
the motorcycle that I like to ride
I would do anything
and I would give everything
to be your everything
But if ever you should stray
just sing along and I will play
or look into your hands
I'm slipping through them like a tiny grain of sand
I remember you
do you remember me too
seems like such a long long time
since I held you near and called you mine
Cause I would give everything that I own
I'd give you my heart and this skin and these bones
the sun the moon the Earth the sky
a brand new car that you and I could drive
I would do anything
and I would give everything
to be your everything
God...I love it...
Posted by Nikalyn at 06:20 PM | Comments (8)
January 09, 2003
Another poem
I am in the process of tidying up my computer folders. (Lynz inspired me to do so) I just noticed how many unfinished poems I actually do have. Its odd. But yeah.. so I took one out and finished it. Hooray!
Distance
Your eyes
Oh how they moved me
And burned into mine
As we stole glances in the moonlight
You whispered, so sweetly, words that before were only mere fantasies
You smiled, that smile,that could melt me
Oh god how you melted me
Do you remember that night?
Driving so far
Distance never meant anything to us
Pressing close to each other in the backseat of the car
Our hands casually entangled as one
Hiding from two sets of eyes
Spying through the rear view
Do you remember that night?
Driving so far
A first kiss in the most unlikely place
Distance never meant anything to us
I still remember that night
Driving so far
The wind in my hair, smile on my face
I fell in love with you all over again
Distance never meant a thing to me
Why must the road end?
So many detours along this highway
I long for the road trip once more
But you don't
Do you remember that night?
Driving so far
Your words echo through my head
You're the one I just can't let go
Distance never meant anything to us
I started it awhile ago...well this summer. It brought back a lot of memories. God, gotta hate those memories.
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:30 PM | Comments (2)
January 08, 2003
Many thanks and a poem
I just want to thank all of you for your cards, happy birthday wishes, and other sweet gestures today. They really made me happy and it was nice to know that people are thinking about me. Its nice to know people care. Besides all your efforts and those of a few choice people at school today, my birthday really wasn't all that great. Very uneventful and unfulfilling. I didn't do anything. I sat here alone all night until my mom came home from work at 6. I thought my dad and her were taking me out to dinner....but that wasn't in anyone's plans. So I sadly sat around watching stupid mind numbing tv shows all night. Mom didn't really pay any attention to me...she was either asleep or on the phone the whole night. It really felt...kinda empty.
But yeah...I'm staying home from school tomorrow. As is Lynz. I wanted to because I am worn out and feel I deserve it for my birthday. I'm so tired that I'm getting one of those drowsiness headaches. *whimpers* Also my Physics teacher made me cry today...so I guess you can say it wasn't the best birthday I've had. However I am appreciative of the actions of each and every one of you guys. Thank you for making my birthday a little bit better. :)
And now I want to present you with a poem I've been writing over the last few days. I think its really good. A cookie goes out to the person who knows exactly what its about and where it came from. :D
Darkness at Osgiliath
The journey presses on, seemingly never ending.
Weary and downtrodden, I travel once more.
I’m captive.
Captured by not only man but also by evil.
Heavy is my heart; I have given it away.
This body feels no longer mine.
They’re coming…
The ruins of a great city stand before me.
Broken memories of what once was.
Without warning I feel it, this irresistible sensation.
Weakness takes a hold of me.
My remaining strength is gone.
I can’t hold on.
I won’t hold on…
Their screams fill my head.
Commands replace my once innocent thoughts.
They want it.
This small token, part of our destiny, a part of myself.
They’re calling for it.
Beckoning me forth.
They’re here…
Like it? I do! :D
Oh by the way...my birthday entry was the 100th entry! Yay!! I rock! Two things to celebrate in that entry! :)
Posted by Nikalyn at 11:40 PM | Comments (1)
By the way...
Happy Birthday to me! :)
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:11 AM | Comments (7)
More links for myself
Sorry I keep posting these but I'm in class and I don't want to lose these links. I have an assignment for class and I have to pick a work of art to talk about. So that's what these are, potential works for my project. Although if you want you can look at them.
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/tanhueco/image3.html
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/wilkins/image2.html
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/petkov/image1.html
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/petkov/image3.html
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/petkov/image4.html
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/petkov/image5.html
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/brownell/image5.html
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/douglas/image3.html
http://www.nenethomas.com/jpggalleries/BloodAngel.jpg
http://members.tripod.com/~AprilLee/printgallery.html
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:10 AM | Comments (2)
January 06, 2003
Failure is an option
I woke up today, to find myself in the other place. With a trail of my footprints
from where I ran away. It seems everything I've heard just might be true. And you know me. (well you think you do) Sometimes, i have everything-
yet I wish I felt something.
Do you know how far this has gone?
Just how damaged have I become?
When I think I can overcome
It runs even deeper...
I am a failure. Yes, tis true. Okay...maybe not a complete failure. But I'm so disappointed in myself that its making me sick. Got my ACT score back and once more I got a 23. The same score I got back in June. I feel so so so so completely stupid. Especially hearing everyone around me having a higher score. I can't believe I did the absolute same. I studied forever. *sighs* Many people are saying things like "You just don't test well." and "The environment was bad." "You were under too much stress." Well...those are just excuses. Life is full of stress and unwanted conditions and tests. You have to adjust. And if I can't do those things then I guess I'm screwed. I had to have at least a 25 to get into my journalism class. That didn't happen. Yes most people don't even work on their major until at least Sophmore year but...the point is eventually I will HAVE to have a 25. And right now my confidence is low. If I take it again...which I probably won't (depends on what my mom says) I will probably get the same thing...or lower. *sighs* I hate my life sometimes. Why can't I just be as smart as everyone thinks I am?
On top of that school today just killed me. Killed me. I'm so tired and I have so much to do. Finals start Friday. I have first and second period finals then. Government and Statistics. Stats should be fine because you get to use your book. Government is just gonna kill me...ugh. Speaking of government....
We have both a final exam and a whole mock trial this week!! I have to write an opening statement and direct examination questions to turn in on Friday...I think. Then we have to perform the trial on Wednesday. Ugh...thats too much work to do on my birthday. No one in my group has done anything yet. I know I will do it. And I know Lynz will do it. However, I don't know about the rest of my group. I hope they get their butts in gear. *sighs* Did I mention I hate my life sometimes?
Oh I'm probably failing that class as well...I've failed like every current events test we've taken.
I have so much homework to do tonight. I wish I didn't have to sleep. If I could go without sleep I would...it would make things easier.
Tonight I also have four different things I want to watch on tv.
4:30 - Cram = a new game show on the game show channel. I love game shows. :)
5:45 - Pi = a movie that this guy in my Humanities class showed a clip of. It had awesome camera effects. It looks like a really good movie
8:00 - Fear Factor = my favoritest tv show. Its a new episode!! :D
9:00 - Joe Millionaire = a new reality show. sue me. I love reality shows. And this one just looks too funny! The girls think they're gonna marry a millionaire but he really only makes about 19,000 a year. Hehehehe. Deception is funny sometimes.
I also have things that I would like to do such as read, write the rest of the poem I was writing, play my game, take a nap, take a shower, etc etc etc.
I have no time. I have no time!!! And yes maybe if I wasn't writing this and venting I would have more time...but screw that. I'm not happy...might as well write something to show it. *sighs*
I'm tired...and disappointed...and depressed...I wish it was Wednesday...okay wait no I don't...School is making my birthday = not cool.
*sighs* Like I said...I hate my life sometimes.
Posted by Nikalyn at 03:34 PM | Comments (3)
For myself
For safe keeping so I dont have to write down these links...
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/anderson/image1.jpg
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/anderson/image3.jpg
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/anderson_m/image3.jpg
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/akbrown/image1.jpg
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/douglas/image3.jpg
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/lee/image5.jpg
http://www.asfa-art.org/gallery/luebbert/image2.jpg
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:15 AM | Comments (1)
January 05, 2003
I'm only human!
I can only take so much! I'm weak when it comes to him. *whimpers* You've seen the movie right? Two Towers? Well remember that part near the end where he goes all evil and dark? OMG...he's so sexy when he looks like that!
Come on...I have to post at least one pic of him..
I have to go back to school tomorrow...a load full of pain awaits. Ugh...
Write more later...I'm gonna go and try to sleep. My birthday is Wednesday!!! Yay!!! Buy me a present! :)
Ta!
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:56 PM | Comments (0)
January 02, 2003
More Elijah you say?
Ha. I think we can deliver. :) Surely I can post more pics of my man. Enjoy!
I'll only post two for now since the last one is so large..but yeah...isn't he cute? :D
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:23 PM | Comments (7)
January 01, 2003
Complications
Why does everything have to be so damn difficult? Hrm. I've spent a good part of the day looking up damn elvish numbers. But ya know what? No luck. Ack! Okay...let me back up. There has been talk about Lynz, myself, and Krista getting a tattoo similar to those the cast of LOTR got. They all got tattoos of the elvish symbol for the number nine. We thought it would be cute if we could somehow find out what the elvish symbol for 3 would be and get a tattoo of that. Well guess what? I have no mofo'ing idea where to find that symbol at. I've looked and looked and looked. Hell I even have an translator. But I don't think their tattoo was in tengwar...grrr.
So far in my search I have only found pics of Elijah's and Orlando's tats. Hrm...Odd thing is I had a picture of the alleged tattoo awhile ago but in an strange turn of events, its not the same tattoo that they have. What the f? Here's pictures if you want to see.
Alleged Tattoo but isn't really that was posted on the official website
As you can see...tis not the same tattoo as the boys'.Conspiracy? I think so!
Hrm...I'll keep looking however, I think we're gonna have to go with that one. How odd will it be when I marry Elijah and we have the same tattoo. LoL. Hey! At least I can say it wasn't just because of him. Ours will have meaning too. *smirks*
Why does everything have to be so damn complicated!!? Grrr...*fights back urge to sing that evil song*
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:36 PM | Comments (20)
Hrm. How pleasantly uneventful
I didn't get to go out like I planned. It left me fairly broken hearted for I was looking forward to it for a few days. My mom's friend is totally fun to hang out with. :) But while I was at Lynz's my mom called and said her friend was sick and didn't feel like entertaining people. So needless to say the rest of the night was uneventful. My mom and I sat in her waterbed watching 3 movies on Lifetime. After the last one I quickly turned the channel to one showing the ball dropping and realized I had timed it just right and there was 40 seconds until midnight. :) Yay! New Year! And I wasn't alone! Yay! However, I didn't have anyone to kiss...
so I ended up kissing the cat.
I physically searched for her and kissed her. LoL. Oh well..she's just so cute. Who could resist this face?
I came back down to my room to two msn messages...one from Lynz that I didnt really understand and one from the giver of my Squall necklace, in which he was being all depressive. Giving me that "oh god you don't even care what's wrong with me you went away." Ugh. Fuck that. I told him I had places to go... But the odd thing was I had like 2 messages saying that someone not on my list was trying to message me. Wonder who that was? Hrm....How very curious.
Well...I was tired. But I got a glass of Vanilla Coke and now I'm all pepped up again. W00t w00t.
Man...I think my cat had too much to drink tonight. She's going all kinds of wacky. Oops...almost fell off the desk. Hehehehehe. Dorky Loki.
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:27 AM | Comments (4)