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October 31, 2002
Merry Halloween
Yes I know I haven't wrote in here for a day or so. However I have been mighty busy with Government campaign crap. Although I previously stated that I was running for 4th ward, I got a chance to be a registrar and I took it. Pretty much I and three other people run the elections. We registered people to vote, made a registered voting list, have to make ballots, count votes, etc. We get a whole 120 points while if I was running for office I'd only get 50. W00t. You tell me which is the better deal there. ;)
It seems like a lot of work however its not really. And if it is then...well I don't notice it. But I still have to make posters and buttons and all that stuff. Needless to say its a lot of work. We spent about 4 hours making posters last night and will probably spend tonight working on t-shirts and the homework for that class due tomorrow.
But today is Halloween. I love Halloween. I think its because you can be anyone you want to be today. You can hide behind a veil and no one can tell you otherwise. I like being someone other than myself.
We got to dress up in our costumes today for school. So currently I am sitting in the library dressed in my gothic princess/wizard costume. :) I'm very kick ass. Crap...I think I'm about to be caught here..just some pics before I go.
How fing cute!!! :) Go here for cute kitties!!
Love you guys. Hope Mil and Grrl are doing good. :)
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:26 PM | Comments (4)
October 30, 2002
For myself
I like this picture..
And that is all.
Posted by Nikalyn at 12:36 PM | Comments (0)
October 28, 2002
One of those days
One where you just really want it to end. I was just bugged by everything. It was one of those days where I'll go through the whole day speaking to the smallest amount of people as necessary...the end of school didn't come soon enough.
First period government class was filled with all this stupid mock election shit. We have to run for offices etc. Today we were supposed to pick what office we wanted to run for and which party we wanted to join. I'm running for 4th ward. No idea what that is...but it sounded unimportant enough. What party am I in? No idea. The two major parties in our class revolved around the popular people. I'm not popular. So...I don't know what party I'm going to be in. Me and this girl Amy were talking about how we don't want to be associated with either party because all they do is drink and do drugs and are just pretty much screwed all the time. We just find them very shallow. Amy said she was going to create her own party so if that happens I will join it. Lynz wanted us to make our own but I really didn't want the pressure of that on my back. I just wanted to be one of the mindless ones who just join any party what so ever. Which I will probably do. Anyways...that was one reason my day was bad. I felt like I was surrounded by huge cliques. Not cool...
Then in math we had a quiz...a problem that takes forever but I know how to do. Well...let's just say if you mess up on one thing you fuck the whole thing up. Apparently....I fucked something up. I checked the answer on my calculator and I was about .2 away from what it said....I rechecked everything a million times. *whimpers* Still wrong...that depressed me...because I know I know how to do it.
3rd period I didn't do anything, 4th period had a stupid meeting, but when we came back to class we got our comp back (the one I let some of you read) I got a 86. I know thats a good grade but...I was really proud of that paper....pretty much I got so much taken off for grammar and punctuation....I screw up commas and such. But that immediately made me feel bad...my expectations were so high with that.*frowny face* Anyone wanna check my next comp for grammar and comma errors next time?
Lunch was lunch, 6th period was alright, 7th I spent redesigning my blog. As you can now see there are many things different. I changed the titles of the certain sections into lines from Dashboard songs. :D I think they're pretty spiffy. I also readded my cliques and my blog sticker. I think it looks pretty good actually. 8th period I almost fell asleep four times during a physics video...I felt really bad too because it wasn't boring...I was just very tired...:(
I came home and did nothing...ate some cupcakes, worked on the blog, went over to my dad's to work on my pamplet for Humanities, and now here I am. I'm in my trademark Nikalyn mood. Not happy, not sad, just....here.
I am sleepy though. When this John Mayer song is done downloading I think I'm off to bed. Nighty night everyone. :)
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:43 PM | Comments (5)
October 27, 2002
Back to you...
It always comes...back to you.
Hehehe. I have a new semi crush thingy. Jeez I have too many obsessions wouldn't you think? Ah its alright. I think its because of the whole single episode going on. Hrm. But cmon now...he's a hot guy. He's so dorky. I love it. :D
I had this whole entry wrote about how Avril is seriously getting on my nerves....but err yeah, it got erased. Wretched back button!! Maybe if I'm still steamed tomorrow I will write it again. ;)
And and I have a new songy. "Dim Halo" by Greenwheel. If you have me on your MSN instant messenger now you know what my name is from. ;) I love that song. Actually I'm totally into that band. They have some good lyrics. I'm digging.
Hrm...yeah..
Hey! I always wanted to use this thingy. How spifftactular!
Let's see...my weekend consisted of pretty much just hanging around with Lynz. We went to a Halloween party on Friday which was held by her family. I didn't know anyone and I kind of felt left out however I got to wear my sexy gothic princess dress and cloak plus I got food and well a fun time was held by all. I love my gothic princess dress and cloak. I gotta take pics of me in it here soon. I LOVE it. :D Hell I'm even considering going to our school halloween dance just so I can wear it somewhere else...so pretty much I would be going to this dance just to show off my dress and not to actually dance. Haha. Gotta love me :)
After the party we came back to my house and pretty much just chilled. She tried to get me to watch se7en however that party had been too much excitement for me and not even half way through the thing I fell asleep. So we turned it off...hrm I think lynz was mad. :( I couldn't help it though. I was exhausted. Lynz got on my computer and since I was so tired I scampered off to bed.
The next day consisted of me playing my video game most of the day while Lynz surfed the internet and such. I adore my Wild Arms 3. It sucks that my brother took the damn playstation away from me again though...that means I won't be able to play it until at least Tuesday. :-/ Lynz spent the night Saturday as well...and she just now left...well a few hours ago.
Tonight I need to look up some stuff for my Humanities project and watch Charmed...then I'm heading to bed for a couple hours, setting the alarm for 11:45....and you ask why, my friend? Because....
Mtv 2 is showing Unplugged with Dashboard Confessional at 12!!! Hooray!! I'm so freaking excited. I actually get to see a semi concert from my favorite band on tv! :D I'm gonna record.
Having Mtv 2 rocks! ;)
Posted by Nikalyn at 07:22 PM | Comments (7)
October 24, 2002
Random Poem I wrote
*shrugs* Not even going to explain it. Don't know where it came from. Errr wait yeah I do...never mind. Psssh!
Distance
Your eyes
Oh how they moved me
And burned into mine
As we stole glances in the moonlight
You whispered, so sweetly, words that before were only mere fantasies
You smiled, that smile, that could melt me
Oh god how you melted me...
Do you remember that night?
Driving so far
Distance never meant anything to us
Pressing close to each other in the backseat of the car
Our hands casually entangled as one
Hiding from two sets of eyes
Spying through the rear view
Do you remember that night?
Driving so far
A first kiss in the most unlikely place
Distance never meant anything to us
Why must the road end?
So many detours along this highway
I long for the road trip once more
But you don't
Do you remember that night?
Driving so far
Your words echo through my head
You're the one I just can't let go
Distance never meant anything to us
I still remember that night
Driving so far
The wind in my hair, smile on my face
I fell in love with you all over again
Distance never meant a thing to me.
Two different people confused me for someone else today. They totally had no idea they were talking to me. They were carrying these whole conversations with me and they had no idea that it was me. They thought they were talking to someone else. One of them was actually giving me compliments...but since they thought I was someone else they were giving THEM compliments. :(
I feel so bad. I feel so insignificant. I knew I was easy to forget but still...that kind of hurt me. Sure...it was an accident apparently...but it sure makes me feel like crap...totally unimportant.
I feel like absolutely nothing.
But its alright...its getting better. Mil is talking to me. I feel a little bit wanted now. :)
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:36 PM | Comments (2)
General Weirdness
How odd this morning has been...I would go into more but...yeah..Hrm
First of all...I got a 100% on a math test kinda thingy. *looks around* Alternative universe much?
Second...a certain ghost of my past indirectly surfaced in my daily activities...very strange however I guess this could be explained..
Third...I have to do this assignment for my Humanities class. I have to develop a pamplet that informs everyone of a certain issue. I come up empty. I cannot think of a single thing to tell about. Anyone have any good ideas for me?
I was swaying towards something related to video games...however I do not know exactly what. But during my search I came upon a page filled with facts about video games in general. You know...facts about how race and gender etc is portrayed in games...
But hey I can prove one of these facts wrong.Bwhahahaha.
"There were no Latina characters or Native American male characters in any of the games"
The game I'm playing now, Wild Arms 3, includes a Native American...however since I haven't played it since Saturday his name escapes me...
*smirks* I just wanted to prove that thing wrong..
Hrm. What a pointless entry. ;)
Posted by Nikalyn at 10:15 AM | Comments (3)
October 23, 2002
Magical Goodness
Oh yes...oh yeah buddy.;) So so so happy. November 15th baby! New Harry Potter!! And the creatures rejoice!
Is it wrong to have dirty wrong feelings about him?
Cause I do...*coughs*
Ooooh Oooh and presenting....Tom Riddle! Major hottie here. *grins*
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:27 PM | Comments (8)
October 22, 2002
I look hot in black n white
;)
This is what I was doing instead of completing my government homework.
Hehehe Bad lil ol me.
*winks*
<-------*points to the webcam pic as well*
Alright...alright...back to the grindstone. :|
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:37 PM | Comments (2)
October 21, 2002
Hair Coloring Insanity
FUCK! I just wrote this whole entry and then for some reason the computer went back, erasing my whole entry....no I did not touch anything. How crappy is my life? Wait a few days and I bet lightening will strike me.
Anyways...
This morning my mother proceeded to give me 20 bucks for lunch. And since we never get money for lunch we were pretty darn excited. We were in lunch heaven! We could buy lunch for a year with all that money. So anyways...sometime during the day we noticed that our hair was looking pretty shitty. Our roots were showing alot since we hadn't dyed it in awhile and mine needed a trim very badly. So we came up with this idea that because we finally had money and there was no other way we could get money for dye...that we would use this money to go buy some.
So we went to Kroger's, the local grocery store and picked out our dye. Me a nice redish color that was similar to one I had used previously and Lynz a light brown color. We bought them and picked up some lunch for ourselves also and left.
We decided that we would tell my mom that we needed to work on some homework but instead dye our hair and give me a trim. We figured this would work out perfect and she'd never know because my color would be the same one I had before. My mom dropped us off and we got to work.
It all started out cool. Just like we always do it. But as Lynz was mixing the dye I noted that it looked ALOT redder than usual. It kind of worried me so I asked her about it. She said that it usually is a lot redder than it actually is. And that when it started working it would go darker. I figured that to be a good enough answer and let her continue on with it. When we went to rinse it out she commented that it looked a lot lighter than usual. Not good...
The rinsing process began and the water was orange. Not just orange....but ORANGEY ORANGE!!! I started to freak out. That was not normal. That was NOT what it looked like before. Every minute was worse than the last one...the tub was speckled with orange blobs...and it was scarying me. When I looked in the mirror I was faced with messy mop of bright bright orange hair. So orange that it resembled the orange in our school colors. And because the bottom of my hair was still dark it looked as if it was black. Orange and black. Our school colors. I felt like a walking Spirit Day held at my school....I hated it.
Well not that it was really that bad. If I had been in college...up in Athens...semi far from home I would of kept it. It was a weird but interesting change. However there was no way I could pass my hair off as normal to my mother. She hated me dying my hair the red that it was before....she got uppity if the shade had even a little purple in it...I think this red would of killed her. I sat on the toilet while Lynz was in the shower rinsing her hair dye out and pretty much cried. I was SO unbelievably scared of what my mom would say or do...I can't stand her yelling at me..I knew somehow I had to get rid of it. There was NO way I could pass my hair off....hell I don't even think that shade was allowed at school.
So I figured I could go buy a darker shade of dye to cover up the orange. I still had money left over from the 20....but when I looked I discovered that I only had 2 bucks and some change left. Ugh. Again I was lost. Fortunately Lynz got her cousin Wes to loan us a few bucks. I was very grateful. So with about 5 dollars in hand we set off.
Since we have no car nor a license we had to walk about a mile back to Krogers. When we got there we realized their dye was very expensive...so we proceeded across the street and went to Rite Aid where we picked out a semi cheap dark brown dye. When we left we realized that I needed to dye my hair and I needed to do it NOW. So...we went to McDonalds...went into their bathroom..went into the handicap stall...and proceeded to dye our hair. (Lynz had discovered that her hair had turned yellow from her previous dye) We somehow managed to stifle our giggles as people came and left the bathroom. Two sets of feet and a constant ruffling of the plastic gloves...wonder what the hell they thought we were doing. Lmao.
We ran out of McDonalds...brown hair dye all over us...we snuck out the back door and headed home...thinking by the time we got home the dye would be set and all we had to do was rinse it out and brush it. :D The way home was filled of puzzled looks from passing cars...(since we had brown stuff all over us making us appear as if we were mud wrestlers) and laughs thinking about how horrible we looked.
When we finally got back to Lynz's house, her cousin told me my mom had called. I figured she was just wondering when she was to come get me since I told her I would call her later when I wanted a ride. I went and rinsed my hair and combed it out before I called her back. Well...she was pissed...because she could not find me and apparently she had said she wanted me home before 5. Total lie however because I told her that I would call her in a few hours and that I probably would be done by 5...well she went on saying that we complain when we have to walk anywhere else but when she calls we were out walking...erm...yeah..makes no sense to me either. So she asked if I wanted to just walk home....I was like Yeah I could do that...*Thinking it would give me more time* But she said I guess I could come get you....be ready. I freaked out because my hair was ringing wet. She would automatically know something was up. Why else would my hair be wet? Lynz tried to dry it but I knew it would take too long....so I got a hair thingy and pulled my hair into a poney tail and hid most of it under my pullover praying that mom wouldn't notice.
Luckily my dad came and picked me up...even though I don't think he was allowed....(he got his license suspended) He noticed it right away I think...but didn't say anything till half way home.
"Did you dye your hair again?"
"Ummm...no why?"
"Because you have dye all over your ear" Shit...
"Oh really? Crap! *licks her finger and rubs her ear* Did I get it?"
"Kind of..."
LoL. So I pretty much broke down and told him it all. He didn't care. I told him mom would flip if she knew...so he didn't say a word....Dad is cool sometimes.
The rest of the night has consisted of walking around, hiding in the shadows and walking around with a towel on my head claiming I just got out of the shower...and being extra extra nice to everyone around me...just in case she figures out and gets mad..She hasn't found out yet...and hopefully when/if she does that she takes it well...*gulps* It does look nice now though...all red and brownish :)
Moral of the story: Never ever ever buy Herbal Essence hair dye.
Haha I bet you thought I was going to say something corny and cheesy like "Don't lie to your mother" or "Don't do things you've been forbidden to do"
Suckers...:D
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:31 PM | Comments (7)
October 20, 2002
Longing for home again
I don't feel like writing an actual entry for the fact that nothing out of the oridinary happened. Lynz came over here and spent the night with me...watching spanish Ren And Stimpy. :D And spanish music videos. Of course a good time was had by all. I got a new game on Saturday, Wild Arms 3. So most of my time today has been devoted to playing that. My favorite character? Clive. Why? Because he has a big gun...and glasses. *winks* You know how I like guys in glasses. W00t.
Anyways...here. Read this song. I like it. Really good lyrics. I wish someone was here to tell me all this stuff...and I wish I could believe it. Good song though. :) Too bad I can't find it to download.
"This too shall pass" - Greenwheel
Is it picking at you day and night?
Do you stare through the emptiness?
Do the days fly by like the wind blows
Leaving you breathless
You've done it now
You've tied your noose
You've got no reason trying anymore
Because it's no use
Do you wake up to the sun that never shines on you?
Do you pray for better days to this god who's never smiled on you?
Do you wish each day was your last?
This too shall pass
Don't get buried by your past
When it comes back around
Just leave your ghosts
Leave them sleeping
Don't take the sunrise for granted
Don't let frustration pull you down
Turn away from that rearview mirror
Look straight ahead
Don't throw your life away
Because sometimes you're all that you got
Until next time. Love ya dudes and dudettes :)
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:30 PM | Comments (3)
October 18, 2002
Geeks in Love
Ah so its all explained now. I knew something was up! I knew it!! It was so odd that neither of them blogged for a few days nor wrote me back when I emailed them. Grrrr! ;)
But its all explained now. Mil and B are getting married! Yay!!! How great is that crap? I'm so so so happy for them! They deserve so much happiness and they are just perfect for each other. :) I wish I could go to the wedding. Seriously I do. Someone wanna pay my way? Please? No? Damn...Fine...well you guys come down here and visit me sometime. Ohio is not that far away :D
Anyways, Mil, B, I am so happy for you two. Congrats!! I adore you guys!!
(yes this is a corny pic....shut up! Its cute and wedding like! :D)
*sniffs*
I think I'm gonna cry...
Posted by Nikalyn at 03:45 PM | Comments (10)
October 17, 2002
Trace of Tears
First off let me just say that I am SO into this song. Trace of Tears. Jess wrote it and composed it. :) However it is not him singing of course...since you know...its a female voice. But seriously I am so impressed! I've listened to a lot of his music before because he makes techno music but damn...I LOVE this song. :) I told him when he gets all famous and Bt like he needs to remember the little people...errr...me and let me ride around in his hot car with him. ;) Oh yeah baby! Really though I love this song. Major props Jess meister! I adore you!
*clicks the repeat button on her winamp*
Ah...yeah my cam is working now...but not that one. *points* I changed webcam servers. I now have my cam on a aspyre page. Damn I seriously don't know how Foofy holds all this crap on his server. I would figure it would overload or at least be slow by now. He amazes me! :D But sadly I don't have an actual page set up to go along with my cam...since Foof left and did not come back. *grumbles and snarls* But thats alright...we'll do it tomorrow. ;) Actually I could probably put my cam on here...but....I'm lazy.
So hell with that!
Editor's Note: Screw it...I changed the fing picture! Are you happy now? Now its on the new server and everything. I'm just missing the actual page. Don't go clicking on the link or anything now....I'm such a push over...*cries violently*
I let two people read my story today...errr well at least I sent it to them. However I never heard any word back. What's up with you guys? You are like never on anymore. *coughs* You guys know who I am talking about. You! Yes!! You!! Don't give me those damn sad eyes...fuck...stop it!! You know I can't resist you when you do that...
*whimpers*
I love you...
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:42 PM | Comments (3)
October 16, 2002
But I'm still lost
Hrm. My webcam is on the fritz. It "claims" the password or id is wrong....but its not. How do I know this? One because I have NEVER touched the password/id portion of my cam from the minute it was hooked up. And two because if my password or id was for some reason changed then both my internet connection itself and my email would not work since my server is the same service. UGH. Its been like this three days and I have no idea what's wrong with it.Anyone know anyone who knows about ftp and webcams and all that nice crap? :( I don't....god I have NO connections anymore.
This is such a job for you know who....too bad I can't even talk to him anymore just to ask him. I mean hell he set the damn thing up in the first place. Ackers...
I have to write a composition tonight for my world lit class...its a really stupid essay and I have no desire whatsoever to write it....which means this will be a really retarded comp. However I did write a really really awesome paper for my ap comp class...I totally adore it. I would post it on here because it is totally awesome but I don't know who all reads my blog and I don't want it getting back to a certain "someone". If you know what I mean...so if you want to read probably one of the best things I've ever wrote in my life contact me and I'll either email it to you or put it on a different address....ah I might do that anyways...either way just email me if you want to read it.
Oh by the way it would make me really really really happy if you by chance wanted to read it. *hint hint*
*smirks*
I'm cute when I'm unhappy sometimes.
Why are you haunting me? Why can't I let you go?
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:05 PM | Comments (3)
October 15, 2002
Do you pray for better days to this god who's never smiled on you?
I determined something today.
I'm not happy. Its not like I'm depressed. I'm just not happy. I really have nothing to be happy about. I'm really just this numb thing...a shell of my former self really. I miss the days when I could walk around with this huge dorky smile on my face and not worry about anything. If something bad happened to me or something didn't go my way I wouldn't care...errr well I would care but it wouldn't be so bad. I miss something to come home to every day. I miss being excited to come online every day...now I could care less. I miss having 3 hour long phone calls. I miss the voice..I just...*sighs* miss that feeling of absolute happiness. That kind of mist that covers everything around you and makes you feel like no wrong can every happen to you.
I think its about time I be given a break...
I deserve happiness....so damn it...where is it?
Sure I might have some things that others might want...I get alot of the things I want just because I'm kind of spoiled...I might have a talent or two that people might work their whole life trying to get....but seriously...what is the point of all these things if you're not happy. If someone actually envies me for all these things then they're crazy. These things only get one so far.
How I would kill for that happiness I see when I watch one of the pretty popular girls run across campus chasing over their latest crush, one they would have NO problem getting if they tried hard enough. Its a look of hope. A look of positivity. A look where they don't have to worry about the fact that they might not be beautiful enough for them, or good enough for them...because they're fucking perfect and they know it. I wish for that. Wishing gets me no where.
I on the other hand am faced day after day with this feeling of absolute loserness. I don't go to parties, I don't go out alot, I don't have a large circle of friends,(Not that the ones I do have are bad. I love them :D) I've never had a "real" boyfriend that I could touch and feel and when I did he was pretty much only using me....
No guy would want me anyways...and the ones that I had online would probably run after they met me....just like he did...
Maybe it wasn't him...maybe it was me.
I want a normal life. I want a highschool boyfriend to hang around with me and smile at while passing in the hallways. I want to actually go out on a fing real date. I don't want to be a loser anymore.
I want to be a normal teenager....
This time is fleeting...and I've missed out on it all..
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:41 PM | Comments (3)
October 13, 2002
Amnesia much?
Lynz said to put this on my blog because it was funny. I'm trying to write a narrative story about my "depression" regarding the whole Jeremy "situation". Oooh air quotes! Fun! Anyways...I was trying to recall facts about him...thats where this came from.
TheMagess: did jeremy have blue eyes or green? Hrm....its probably a good thing that I forget these things
ApprenticeAmadeo: hazel dude
TheMagess: hahahah yeah thats right
TheMagess: I'm forgetting this shit. yay me
ApprenticeAmadeo: LMAO
:D
Posted by Nikalyn at 07:42 PM | Comments (2)
October 12, 2002
Penguin and Monkey Delight
In my journey today I stumbled upon these two links. I swear I wasted half of the day playing with these things.
Firstly let me present you with "Spank the Monkey" (sorry mil) Hours of monkey spanking fun! My high score was 821 miles per hour. Holy crap yes! :D I am a master spanker!
Oooh and we can't forget about this little beauty. Its sooooo cute!! "Poke the Penguin" We know how I am with penguins. I sat there and poked the damn thing for hours! Just make sure you at least do it 3 times. It has multiple endings. :)
Enjoy my darlings!
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:31 PM | Comments (2)
Oh oh my bad
I wanted his cards. I get his cards. Here we go.
LMAO...I need to look at these pics before I type. *giggles*
Yes...yes...cards...cane...oh yes I am satisfied now.
Thank you come again. Please drive through.
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:18 PM | Comments (1)
Cajun man...ooh yeah
Hehehehe another fun filled Saturday morning spent glued to the tv watching X-Men Evolution. Why you may ask? Well...one because I'm a dork who finds much pleasure watching cartoons. And two because my most favoritest X-Men character has graced the show with his presence. *sighs dreamily* Last week I just carelessly turned the channel and who do I see? Gambit! Oh how long I had waited for this day...it was great. I was a happy little sailor. Thats all I'm saying :D Sadly today's episode only featured about 3 seconds of him....but thats beyond the point. It was still worth getting up early for. :)
I'd post a neato picture of him but sadly I still can't find a recent one of him from X-Men Evolution. *sighs* But hey if you find one for me I'll....give you a cookie! Actually I think....this picture....
Is from X-Men Evolution....or at least it looks dead on. Where's his cards I ask? Where? Where? Hey today I did see him with his cane though. Yummy. ;)
Oh hey I just looked at the name of this pic....gambitevolutionpic2.jpg.
Yup. I'd say thats from X-Men Evolution alright. ;)
God I really need some kind of life. Me and animated characters are getting a little too close. LoL. Oh well...at least they won't ever lie to you or go and break your heart.
*notes that she sounds like such the little man hater now*
Something my aunt said to me today: "Maybe if people just stopped lying then they wouldn't get themselves in trouble by getting caught in them."
Right on.
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:08 PM | Comments (3)
October 11, 2002
Grrrrrrrr
Major Grrr....
*is just very irritated right now*
*takes a deep breathe and tries to repress it all*
*tries not to want to do this:
to people...*
*thinks she'll go lay down now*
Oh and by the way Mil I'm at the last area on the last disk. I'm just going to go around and get some of the summons before I go on to beat the thing...
And job on the site redesign Lynz! :D Looks nice :)
But yeah....GRRRRRR!!!!
Posted by Nikalyn at 09:01 PM | Comments (2)
Beauty
Lookie how pretty this picture is. .
Nice eh? Tis Aeris from FF7. Figured I'd include it just since I've talked so much about it lately. :)
Anyways just wanted to keep that for later. Hope you enjoyed it. I'll write more later.
Posted by Nikalyn at 01:35 PM | Comments (3)
October 09, 2002
*sobs*
Is it Christmas yet? Is it my birthday? Is it remotely close to any holiday where people will buy me things? NO. Damn it! LoL
Okay okay. I have held back for awhile now...since it was release in early September but now it has reached its edge. I WANT this cd. No...I NEED this cd. Seriously... Oh wait...you people don't know what I'm talking about do you? Oh here ya go.
Clicky here
Isn't he a nice looking man? Oh yes...oh yes he is. Thats my musical idol...well if I was a musican...I love that man. Tis his newest cd. A freaking compelation of his best remixes. I MUST have. *sobs* But sadly we have no money so I will have to go without...
I tried you know *coughs* illegally downloading the whole thing. But do you have any idea how hard it is to find those songs online? Very very difficult. And on this modem? Even more so! :(
So alas....I am without BT for now...oh how do I wish my daddy would like me again so he would buy it for me. lmao. :D
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:42 PM | Comments (2)
October 08, 2002
Just again another reminder
Guys suck alot sometimes. I won't say alot on this certain situation since someone trusted me to say nothing. Yes I believe this guy is not a bad guy. I in my deepest of heart believe that he is good. I just feel he's making some darn bad decisions and hurting someone who not only he feels is very dear but someone I consider dear. I don't like this situation one bit. Again it reminds me of things... But like I said...I hope he won't turn out to be like the others. I pray that he redeems himself. But no...if you're reading I'm not mad at you. Just disappointed. But you should know this...you should realize what your actions did. I have faith in you and I hope you find your way again.
Thank you grrl for your comment about my writing. :D Made me happy.
So anyways last night I finished reading my book for AP Comp class but hey even if it wasn't for a grade (the assignment that goes along with it) I would of thoroughly loved reading it. We could the choose the book we wanted to read just as long as it was off this book list. I chose Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar". Let me tell ya....damn good book right there. I loved that book so much that I might even consider buying it if I ever find myself with money. :D Its about this girl who on the outside had everything going for her. She was a writer and had this whole career going for her. However when she returned from her internship in NY everything changed. She wasn't accepted to a writing course she had wanted to take badly and from that moment on she doubted her abilities to write. From this stemmed many more problems and a lot of depression. She tried to kill herself numerous times which eventually leads her to a mental hospital.
As you can tell she's a lot like me. :D I see myself in her throughout the whole book. The bell jar of course is a methaphor for the confinement the girl feels through her whole life. She feels pressured by everyone around her to act a certain way, do a certain career, be successful. Everyone has all these expectations for her and she has no way to deal with them. She feels trapped in the stale air.
I felt it was a brillant book. Two enthusiastic thumbs up! :D
Damn tis almost 8. Almost bed time. :) Bye bye everyone. Have a nice night.
Posted by Nikalyn at 07:27 PM | Comments (2)
October 07, 2002
To The Man I Never Knew
It took me quite awhile to get myself to this point
Where I can look back without bitterness and hate
It took so many nights to get myself to stop wanting you
You know that was so damn hard to do
I live in this fantasy world
In the back of my mind I’m always expecting things
Things that I know could never happen
For awhile I kept thinking you’d contact me
Just a call or a small message
Just something to prove me wrong
You'd just pop up and say that you made so many mistakes and that you still felt something for me
Of course it never happened
I knew it wouldn’t
I was silly to think such things
Sometimes I think I hear the phone ring in the middle of the night
Or around 6 in the morning when my alarm had just went off
I'm such a silly dreamer.
Its nice how I feel now
I'm free
There's no more pain just random pangs of sadness when I remember a soft word you once said
Its strange how I can still clear as crystal hear your voice
I went through weeks and weeks and weeks where I didn't even think of you
Its an amazing feeling
I'm myself again
I no longer sat and wished and cried over things because they didn't go my way
I didn't think of you
Funny how one thing can happen, one incident and for a few split seconds
Or hell even for a few minutes I start thinking about you again
Don't get me wrong
It means nothing
My mother's boyfriend left her...went back with his ex
Along with that I saw so many similarities between this and you
It was a scary thing actually
In a way I was reliving the same situation over again
It came without no warning or clue
We thought everything was fine
But it wasn't, we were just the last to know
And when I had to console my almost crying mother
I knew exactly what to say and exactly what she was feeling
I never told anyone about our situation...they were too close to you
And I knew if I did then you would ruin it for all other guys that "might" come my way
So....when she tearily said "I wish he would just come home"
I wish she could realize how much I meant it when I said
"I know how you feel"
Ah here I am writing about you again
I said I'd never do that
But I guess its alright since there's no real meaning or feeling behind this
I just needed to get it out since everything was ringing so familiar lately
You know something?
I still don't hate you.
Despite everything I don't hate you
I'm too good of a person I think
I know you were messed up and confused
I understand
Remember how I used to say you were too good to be true?
Well....lol there ya go
You were
We were
But its fine though
I'm a survivor
She seems like a very nice girl, very intelligent
Like I always told you all I want is for you to be happy
I hope you have finally found that
Deep down I know we could have been good together
In another time and place however
Maybe in another life I'll see you again
The man I never knew
Posted by Nikalyn at 11:23 PM | Comments (2)
Hahahahaha
That's just plain nuts. Checked email today. Guess how many? 47!!! And guess how many are real? None! LMAO Thats some funny crap. *goes to add them to her block list again*
Quite a successful experiment. ;)
Spam = Satan
Okay well I gotta go. Fear Factor is on and there's a really hot guy whose got my vote for the 50 thousand. :D
Posted by Nikalyn at 08:53 PM | Comments (1)
October 06, 2002
A lil Update
Song of the moment: "More than love" - Snake River Conspiracy
I got up this morning with only 10 spam messages. I thought this was a really low number considering I unblocked 250 email addresses of spam. LoL. Then I noticed that hey hotmail didn't unblock them in the first place. :-/ So I just got 10 new spam messages from addresses I didn't block. Grrr. That sucks. But I think they're unblocked now. Considering during the whole 10 minute unblocking process I got 2 emails filled with wonderful (note sarcasm) spam. So I will delete these 10 emails and go on with my experiment like previously planned. *nods*
Umm let's see. Trinidy my hell spawned niece arrived last night. Filling me with much hatred once more as her first words to me were...."Do you know where that little kitten is?" UGH. I seriously hate that kid let me tell ya. I think the people here are starting to understand that she needs some discipline or something. She's starting to back talk everyone now. Quite annoying let me tell ya. Grrr I hate kids. Think I'll ever make it as a mother? :-/
Speaking of mother my mommy didn't go to jail. Yay! She met the nice cops this morning and her ex boyfriend person was supposed to meet them as well and he never showed up. The cops said she did all she was supposed to do and he didn't do his part so she's in the free. Yay! *does a dance*
Oh and just to end this entry on a nice note. If only animated videogame characters could be real. *sighs dreamily* Is it healthy to dream about someone that doesn't exist? Lmao. Anyways...this is Squall from FF8 and more recently in the game Kingdom Hearts. This pic is from Kingdom Hearts. I really enjoy that game. Cmon Disney characters and Final Fantasy people, one game. Cmon people! You totally sold me on that crap! :D Now if only I could get my bro to let me play it...*thinks* Anyways...let's just enjoy the lovely pic. *girlish giggle*
And yes that is japanese writing. Sue me I couldn't find a pic with the english subtitles :D
Posted by Nikalyn at 12:21 PM | Comments (2)
October 05, 2002
*frees all the Spam*
Today at 6:21 pm I unblocked every single spam address that I had blocked. The limit of 250. Now we will wait and see just how much spam I get now. Oooh I cannot wait. Ugh..
Posted by Nikalyn at 06:22 PM | Comments (3)
Oh yeah...*grins*
Almost on disc 3 of this darn game. W00t!!! :D Who's the woman? Who's the woman? Oh yeah! Maybe I'll turn it off and take a break...?
Nah! ;)
On a bad note my mommy might get arrested for something she didn't even do. Her ex boyfriend is trying to get some revenge or something...:-/ She is apparently supposed to be picked up sometime tomorrow. This isn't cool. See how much the men in our lives suck? *holds up a sign that says: Down with Ex Boyfriends!*
What ever am I going to do tomorrow and Monday if my mommy is in jail? :( I'll have to fend for myself...man that bites...
Oh well...
Off to play more FF7. At least it takes my mind off things.
Posted by Nikalyn at 04:38 PM | Comments (4)
October 04, 2002
A little more like home
Lookie! Its back to normal!! :D Well almost. 0:) I kind of struck a balance. New things to show that I left the past behind but I kept some of the old things just so I stay humble to myself. Plus I love how my old blog looked. But anyways its looking just spiffy to say the least. The banner is up, my old counter is back, and some of the stuff about me is up again. Although I need to go back and change the 100 things about Nikalyn part. I have some things on there that don't ring true anymore.
But I like it. Its...me! :D I'm very proud of it. And I want to thank everyone who helped me out with all of it, Mil, GeekGrrl,Foofy, and Jess. Your help was mucho mucho helpful. I love you guys :D
Hrm...
Let's see...my grams is still in the hospital. They say she'll have to be there for a couple more days. Let's just say that I have been in that hospital more in the last two days than I have in 6 years. We all know about Nik's hospital/doctor phobia...but well ya know..tis my grandma. I couldn't go without visiting her. Still though....*shudders* hospitals are just so...so...creepy. Icky...Ah I'm Iatrophobia what can you expect?
And well I'm gonna go because I have nothing to talk about and methinks FF7 is calling my name. Oh wait...thats just the voices in my head..darn it. LoL..
Posted by Nikalyn at 11:19 AM | Comments (6)
October 02, 2002
And the winner is....
The moment is finally here. The winner of my blog banner contesty thingy I have decided is....Foofy! :D Here is foof's winning banner that will soon be my permanent banner. Yay!
A big thanks goes out to all that entered. :D I loved all the entries and its too bad I can't use them all. They were all great! Foof's just had all the components I was looking for and for some reason I think that ripples go very well with my blog description. Again thank you all for entering and for showing that you care. It means so much to me that some of you entered even though you felt your skills were minium. Again you all did a great job and I am so lucky to have friends that support me like you guys. I love you all! :D
Posted by Nikalyn at 07:03 PM | Comments (4)
Major Grrr!!!
I tore my pants. Yes they were very much torn to begin with since they are much too long and despite my mother's warning I bought them anyways. They are my favorite pants. Long and baggy. Makes me feel cool and thuggish. :D The bottoms were already torn from wearing them at the Renaissance festival and walking around in the mud and rocks all day. :-/ But a few minutes ago they got caught on the bottom step in my living room and ripped SO much more. I took a pair of scissors and cut off some of it. Since it made such a big hole. I tried to just get it even. Mom's gonna flip. Well....I still love them. Thats all that matters.
On a sadder matter my grams is in the hospital. I don't know how serious her condition is. However my mother merely said "She was having a hard time breathing last night" Breathing problems is never a good thing mind you. Mom seems very upset by the whole thing so hopefully she's not hiding anything from me.
Speaking of my mom...her boyfriend who lived with us....moved out. No notice. They weren't fighting or even on bad terms with each other. Its very odd that he would change feelings like that. But then again...I am reminded of another man who changed feelings in about 2 seconds. This incident however is not making my outlook of men any better. Hrm. Why are most of them assholes? And yes I said most for all you good men out there reading such as mil or kris. :D Apparently the women in my family have very very very very very bad luck with guys. I don't think one marriage or relationship ever worked out. This leaves me wondering if there's any hope for lil ol me. *sniffs*
So as you can see today was a major grrr day. I also probably failed two tests today. Erk. I forgot about that. Twas not the greatest day in Nikalyn history mind you.
Bah its alright though. I have a four day weekend. No school tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, or hey! the next!! :D How fun. And you know how I am going to spend this 4 day weekend? Doing nothing but sitting here playing FF7 and working on my blog from time to time. Oh yeah and that sleep thing. ;)
Every cloud is grey, with dreams of yesterday.
Posted by Nikalyn at 05:19 PM | Comments (1)