[mood|annoyed]
[music|"My December" - Linkin Park]

Hrm. I just thought I needed a death poem. This is what I ended up with. I like it. :)

Void of all colour, in an absence of light.
There is silence.
No merry songs sang nor word uttered.
This is eternity.
Surrounded by nothing.
There is nothing.
Uncertainty racks my bruised shell.
What is this place before me?
Paralyzed, motionless, my limbs show no movement.
Stale air contaminates all around me.
I can’t breathe.
The darkness takes me captive
I crumble under its spell.
Finally I’ve found what I’ve spent my whole life looking for.
My freedom, my solace, my acceptance.
This is my eternity.
This is my forever.
Out of the darkness a whole new kind of dream emerges..

[mood|amused]
[music|"The Revolution" - BT]

Technically not a teenager anymore, then again I wrote this over the summer and just got around to finishing it. Yes, it is kinda gay...I had a good thing going when I was writing it back then. Oh well.

I just want to be happy.
I just want the pain to go away.
I just want a day free of ignorance
I just want the world to stop its spinning.
I just want to stop these tears, to stop these sobs at night.
I just want to get over you.
I just want to want you care
I just want to give up the fight
I just want you to suffer as I have
I just want these memories to fade away.
I just want something that’s truly real.

[mood|lazy]
[music|"Escape" - Enrique Iglesias]

Yesterday a familiar person came back into my life. His appearance was very unwanted and pissed me off alot. And from anger comes poetry.

Ascending to the surface, you reach out to the sun.
Barging back into my tainted world.
You break open, this sanctuary, that I have recently embraced.
Memories still linger, even after all this time.
Lately you’re all that I think about.
Why is it I can’t let go?
I long to burn these bridges, a passage to yesterday.
The shadow of the past, appear before me.
Your presence is nothing, not even a ghost of what you were.
Once a golden halo lay upon angelic strands of silk.
Now I wonder where that saint flew?
Invading this place that I’ve made anew.
No longer is your presence wanted.
An irritation left to fester.
My burnt down bridges rebuild themselves again.

[mood|sleepy]
[music|"Pretty Girl" - Sugar Cult]

Just another one of those poems that I get from memories...the memories they never fade. Although, sometimes I wish they would.

You’re bittersweet to taste.
You linger – never ending.
The after effects are deadly,
Scars left in your wake.
The vulnerability that was left behind,
Controls my ever move.
You’ve ruined me.
Burnt remains left to decay.
Your presence drowns my senses,
Can’t exceed your pace.
You’re everywhere,
You’re nowhere, both at the same time.
I can’t escape,
I can’t flee
I yearn to shed this fragile skin,
And the memories that still remain.
The ghost of the past haunts me.
I wonder does it appear to you?

[mood|melancholy]
[music|"You get me" - Michelle Branch]

I still think about you. It’s been so long. So many days have past, many rains have fell. The clouds have come and went since I’ve last talked to you. I wonder how you are. I wonder if you’re happy. I bet you are. Its what you always wanted isn’t it? To be with her, you were obsessed, still are. I imagine you are with her, happy and contained. You’re together and its everything you ever thought it would be. It’s been a long, long road getting here. To this place where the pain is bearable. It lessened to this dull pang. I no longer lay awake at night or spend my whole day wondering where things went wrong. I can go through days upon days without even a single thought of you. It was a damn long hard road. I shed an uncountable amount of tears on you. But here I am, this person that I have turned into. I’m not quite sure if I’m a better person because of it. Isn’t that what everyone always says? “You’re a better person because of it. Because of all the grief and heartbreak you had to endure.” However, I don’t think I’m better. I’m this shell. A shell of a former, more happier self. Sometimes I hate how I am. Sometimes I have relapses. Sometimes all I seem to do is think of you. Its this absolutely horrible feeling. This feeling of helplessness. There’s nothing I can do to prevent it. Nothing I can do to somehow bring you back. I don’t want you back however, I just want…something other than what I feel now.

I was so in love with you…I absolutely adored you. You were so amazing to me. Everything I could have ever wanted in a man. You broke my heart so many times. Its funny how I’d probably take you back in a second. Pathetic yes, desperate maybe. But I knew you, I knew who you really were. We shared something and I know you can be something so completely different from what you are now. I know you were different, and I guess deep down I blindly hold on to this ill conceived notion that maybe one day you will convert back to your previous self.

You told me once that you never forget, that you never forget the people you meet along your journey. That everything you ever do and say sticks with you. I like to think that this is true. That sometimes you see an image or hear a certain song and are reminded of me. I like to think that you think of me sometimes. Maybe even just for a second, one flash of a memory that had me in it. That’s all I ask really. That’s what I really want in the end. I want him to remember me. I want to tell myself this, even if it is a lie, that I wasn’t so easy to just dismiss. That I’m hard to forget…

I won’t lie. There’s days I go without thinking a thing about him. But there’s also days where he’s all I think about. Maybe it’s the theory that you never completely get over your first real love…but no matter how hard I try I can’t forget him altogether. I’ll see someone that looks like him, I’ll hear a song that he liked, I’ll see people that he used to talk to everyday, and I can’t help but reminisce. Again I won’t lie, I miss you. I still do. I’ll never forget you. I hope sometimes you think of me. I hope I wasn’t so easily forgettable.

You’re in everyone I see…so tell me…do you see me?

[mood|tired]
[music|"The taste of ink" - The Used]

This is written inspired by the movie Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. During one of the close to the end scenes Frodo is almost taken over by the ringwraiths and almost hands the ring over to them. This poem describes the thoughts and feelings going to my Frodo's head.

P.S. Elijah looked so fing hot when he was turning evil. Oh god...oh god...*whimpers*

The journey presses on, seemingly never ending.
Weary and downtrodden, I travel once more.
I’m captive.
Captured by not only man but also by evil.
Heavy is my heart; I have given it away.
This body feels no longer mine.
They’re coming…

The ruins of a great city stand before me.
Broken memories of what once was.
Without warning I feel it, this irresistible sensation.
Weakness takes a hold of me.
My remaining strength is gone.
I can’t hold on.
I won’t hold on…

Their screams fill my head.
Commands replace my once innocent thoughts.
They want it.
This small token, part of our destiny, a part of myself.
They’re calling for it.
Beckoning me forth.
They’re here…