[mood|discontent]
[music|"For Justin" - Dashboard Confessional]

In the darkness of my room at night...I cry alot. I felt I needed to write about it. Ack..

Tears, fragile and delicate
Crystalline
I cry
For what I lost
For all that could have been
There’s still a longing
A stifled feeling
I can’t think this anymore
I push it down
Trying so much to lie
You don’t want me
You never will
Remember when I said it was too good to be real?
I was right
It wasn’t real
I cry
For all these left over feelings
For all the memories I can’t forget
I wonder do you think of me
Do I fill your thoughts at night?
Not a day goes by that you’re not in mine
Your image haunts my dreams
I cry
For all the smiles formed
For all touches still felt
I’m so pathetic
I can’t do what they all say do to
I can’t just forget
And quickly get over you
I still need you.
I still want you.
I miss you…
I love you…
But the truth is crushing
You don’t love me anymore.
I cry.

[mood|rejected]
[music|"Angel" - Stabbing Westward]

*sighs* I don't hate him...I know I said it but I don't. I love him...and it sucks. I guess I hate him for not loving me? *sighs again* But its sad because even though I have moments where I think all this shit I pretty much still think the world of him. He's still like this godly being. I hate that shit...

You know if he'd just come back...life would be so much easier and I wouldn't have to battle between love and hate...*laughs*

I know it won't happen. Its funny to laugh about it though. I sincerly do wish him the best and hope he finds his happiness...*Frowns slightly*

I just wish I could stop loving him...

[mood|cynical]
[music|"The Only Thing" - Stabbing Westward]

I just needed to get aggression out..I really dislike to let people read this one...I know they're gonna take it personally. Please note if you are someone I talk to you daily ex: Lynz, Andy, Peter, Arie, etc. Then when I go off...I am NOT meaning you..I pretty much mean mankind in general..I don't think this is a good poem..but it released tension and such...

I hate you.
God I hate you.
I hate the way you make me feel.
You don’t even know what you do to me.
You’re not here.
Hell we don’t even talk.
But you still make me feel like this.
Even after all this time.
I’m so damn sick of it.
The happiness is temporary.
It never seems to last.
I hate that you have so much control over me.
I hate that everything is still in your court.
I’m so weak.
I hate it.
I want to forget everything.
I hate memories.
I don’t want to have to think anymore.
I want to be numb to the world.
Do I wish I’d never met you?
I don’t know but all I know is that it would hurt less.
Before you I was happy.
I was in a relationship but yet all alone.
Sure it was all a lie.
But I was happy.
Denial is a strong thing.
It makes you think that everything is all right.
It makes everything wrong seem so god damn right.
The fake smile soothed everyone’s fears.
There was nothing wrong with me.
If I had never met you I’d still be living the lie.
“Ignorance is bliss”
I would still be happy if there hadn’t been you.
But how can I even think that?
It’s getting easier now.
So much easier to hate you.
You caused all this.
You are the reason I hurt so badly.
All this negativity spawned from your actions.
No I don’t hate life.
But I hate almost every person on the planet.
I don’t want to die.
But I want everyone to leave me the hell alone.
Leave me out of their lies and unfulfilled promises.
The world is so dark again.
So cold, and unloving.
No one cares about anything other than himself or herself.
Fucking greedy bastards.
But they’re happy…and that’s all that matters.
This shroud of hate seems to surround me constantly.
Please note that this won’t happen again.
No one is getting close to me.
No one is penetrating this heart.
Why should I expose myself to them?
I’ve had enough of this pain.
Fuck the world.
No fuck you.
See this is all your fault.
See what you did to me?
This is your doing.
I hope you’re god damn happy now.
I was never good enough for you.
I’m not trying anymore…

[mood|melancholy]
[music|"Wasted" - Stabbing Westward]

Just another damn break up poem. This one means alot to me just because I touched a bunch of people even though I never meant to. This poem is also written in the point of view of a person other than myself, they're reflecting upon their relationship with their girlfriend.He realizes that even though she does everything to keep him with her and that she loves him with all her heart he's going to keep on rejecting her and keep on hurting her...because he always does..

Where am I?
How did I get to this place?
Who am I?
I don’t remember my face looking like that.
What are these tears?
Where did they come from?
God this all looks too familiar.

I kissed you.
I loved you.
I made you feel the same.
But then I hurt you.
I stabbed you.
I made you bleed.

You got too close to me.
You figured out who I was.
I didn't know how to handle all your feelings.
What do I do with all these emotions?
Can I just tell you how I feel?
I was scared you’d leave me.
I was afraid of giving it all to you.

You held me.
You felt me.
You fell in love with me.
I broke your heart.
I tore it from your chest.
I made you cry blood stained tears..

It’s a case of déjà vu.
Told myself I wouldn’t do this again.
Told myself I couldn't hurt another.
Especially someone like you..
Such an innocent soul..
Spent so many damn hours praying I wouldn’t do this again.
I went and fucked it up once more.

My voice soothed your fears.
My voice told you it would be okay.
My voice promised it wouldn’t transpire.
You did all you could to make me stay.
You gave up everything for me.
You did nothing but love me..

I didn’t want it to happen again.
I laughed at you.
I smiled as you sobbed.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
Why did it happen again?
Its something I cannot control.
Here I go slipping again...