[mood|distressed]
[music|"Somewhere out there"- Our Lady Peace]

I named it this because...well I use that line alot in the poem..

Another dream awoken from, your image still fresh in my head
Another sob choked back, yet another fragile tear shed
I open my eyes to this disagreeable world
One where you’re gone from my side
And I long to block it out but all my efforts are in vain
Your smile it lingers, your voice I can still hear
The memories we shared together just won’t disappear
I can’t believe I let you do this, take so much control over me.
All those nights I laid awake, such stupidity
I'm such an idiot...
Why should I waste my nights crying over you?
When you don’t care about one damn thing I do
You sit and talk and carry on like your life is still the same
Act like you never got me caught up in all your childish little games
You never show one damn bit of emotion or act like you still care
And when I disappeared for a couple days did you even notice I wasn’t there?
Did you ask someone about me?
Did you ask just how I was?
But maybe you did and they said I was doing fine
That I was hanging in there, that’s always my ending line.
Did you even bother thinking that maybe it was a lie?
Did you ever wonder if I was lying awake at night?
All these tears I shed for you and it seems like you don’t give a damn
All these times I thought about you but you don’t even wonder how I am
Tonight all this madness stops
Tonight’s when I draw the line
Tonight’s the night when I take back all that used to be mine
I’m not going to waste all these feelings on you
And no longer am I going to cry these tears for you
You’re not worth it
Not worth my heart
You’re not worth this pain, not worth this hurt
Why should I cry over someone who won’t cry for me?
Why should I devote my endless thoughts to you when you don’t think of me?
And when my eyes shut tonight will I awake to a world of blue?
And when I wake will my dream be real?
Maybe I’ll no longer love you.

[mood|pissed off]
[music|"Ex- Girlfriend" - No Doubt]

Broken up with....not fun...I've been pretty shook up about it for the last couple weeks. I sit around the house and do nothing...I cry when no one is looking..I hide from the world...I keep everything hidden..I lie and say I'm perfectly fine..I sit and loathe life...and mainly sit and be depressed. At times I love him...I want him to come back..I swear to no one in particular that if he'd come back to me I'd do anything and I'd make everything good again. But then other times I hate him and I want him to hurt and cry and be in pain and feel every bit of sorrow and sadness that I've been feeling...

I've been writing again...with depression along comes writing...I'd want to write. I'd sit and write. But then I'd only get a few lines written...nothing would sound good to me. Tonight I started writing another poem...and yet again I had that problem...but just for the hell of it I was looking at his blog and what do I see in his webcam? His drawing of his ex before me...

For some reason this gets me pissed...I can't explain it...but it does. And I don't know why his cam is on her..but it does not sit right with me. I mean..you don't see him showing off anything about me? You don't see him flashing my picture? How could I be so damn blind? I was so mad at him..hell I'm still kinda mad at him..and magically I wrote this next poem...well finished it. It's the same one I was writing...but I put an entire new twist on it...Imagine that...