[mood|dorky]
[music|"Before the Goodbye" - BT and unfortunately Britney Spears]

Written about a month ago, inspired by Elijah Woods. I feel its really corny...lol But I just HAD to write something that day.

With blue eyes that could burn through mountains
And a smile that never ends
You strutted into my life one day
Who knew nothing would be the same?
You hid among the shadows
I never knew your name
I took your presence for granted
I looked right past those eyes
Now the sun has risen
And all I see is gold
I can’t imagine living without all the pleasure
That your angelic face brings to me
We’ve never met before.
You’ve never spoke my name
But my heart still beats for you all the same
I see your face before me, a bright light on TV.
I watch your body move, a scene on the movie screen
Everybody thinks I’m crazy
There’s not a chance in hell
But I keep on with my dreaming, making wishes in my well
Maybe one day our paths will cross
And you’ll feel the same as I do
And maybe we will fall deeply in love.
I deserve a miracle too
But I’ll keep with me this fantasy
And the love I have inside
Maybe one day you will see
Just how much those deep blue eyes mean to me

Date: March 16th, 2002

[mood|blank]
[music|"Wish you were here" - Incubus]

I just wrote this today. After a not nice experience with my dad last night....

Why do you have to be like that?
Can’t you see that it burns me up inside?
The way you scream.
The way you yell.
I thought you were perfect.

Why can’t you just be like other daddy’s?
Why can’t you just want to spend time with me?
The way you abandon me.
The way you hurt me.
I thought I was your little girl.

How could you hurt mommy like that?
Can’t you see you made her cry?
The way you hit.
The way you throw things.
I thought you still had feelings.

Why do you have to be such a disgrace?
Why do you make us live a life of fear?
The way you spy on us.
The way you lie to us.
I thought you wanted to be a part of our lives.

Why can’t you take me in your arms?
Why can’t you just love me?
The way you set me aside.
The way you take things out on me.
I thought you really loved me.

Why do you have to make me cry?
Why do you have to slowly break my heart?
The way you jade me.
The way you hate me.
I thought I loved you…

Date: March 8th, 2002

[mood|confused]
[music|"Slept so long" - Jay Gordon]

Those are all the poems I have on my computer. I still need to go through my big folder and put them on here. I just realized that I wrote more than 20 entries. So if you're just joining me, make sure you go back a few entries and read from the beginning.

I'll post more later. Bye bye.

[mood|weird]
[music|"Forsaken" - Jon Davis from QOTD]

This one took me a long while to write it. I'd write a line and leave it alone for a couple weeks, then write another line. I like how it ended up though. Probably one of my favorite poems. Its how my life is in my eyes.

No where to go, no end in sight.
Lost within the madness, caught up in the fight.
Vision is blurred, blinded by doubts.
Can I succeed?
Too scared to find out.
Many people believe in me.
Who am I to let them down?
So many dreams and expectations,shattered to the ground.
But this is how it is.
This is how it ends.
I'm not the girl you put your faith into.
It was only all pretend.
One endless facade, better know as my life.

[mood|annoyed]
[music|"Not for me" - From the QOTD soundtrack]

I wrote this last year in Language 11. It had to have lots of imagery in it. I don't think the teacher liked this one though. *shrugs* I like it.

Peering through my window.
I see a world of blue.
Sky and sea melting into the horizon.
Two acting as one.
The white, grainy sand disappearing under my feet.
Foot prints enblazened on the earth.
Leading me back to my sanity.
A world I once thought I lost.
Around me I hear the waves, crashing onto the shore.
The faint sounds of children lost in imagination.
No resentment or jading, only innocence.
The gentle breeze carries with it uncertainty.
As tranquil serenity consumes me.
Finally I am home.

[mood|confused]
[music|"Wish you were here" - Incubus]

I wrote this after a period of wanting to kill myself really bad. I figured out that I had something to live for.

What is this feeling racing through my veins?
Taking me under, slowly driving me insane
Don't know who I am anymore
And I don't know what I stand for anymore
Just know that this feeling is eating me away
These voices in my head, just keep wishing me dead
It's so hard not to give in
But then I see you standing there
Blocking that door once more
I'm defenseless towards you
I just never seem to win
Living this lie
Living this life
Feeling this pain that lives inside
It all goes away when I feel your touch
Kissing your lips, needing you so much
In this harsh world how would I get by?
If I didn't have you by my side
without you here I couldn't pull through
I'm living this life for you

[mood|cranky]
[music|"Wrong Impression" - Natalie Imbrulia]

I wrote this last year in study hall. Most of my friends didn't seem to care about me much and never wanted anything to do with me. They made plans behind my back and really didn't show any emotion towards me. I like this one. But I really am unsure of the end. I liked the idea when I wrote it.

Alone
In a crowded room
Surrounded by familiar strangers
Empty, hollow eyes
Cold, uncaring hearts
People I've known since the beginning
People I considered my friends
Actors are all they really are
Playing the role of my friends in my movie
My life
Behind the role, do they even feel?
Do they even care about me?
Seeing the small things that no one else sees
The inconsiderate actions, the insipid games
Looking up to you in comfort
But instead you walk by me in the hall
Uninvited am I, unwritten am I, befriended am
I, unloved am I
For I am truly
Alone

[mood|thirsty]
[music|"Escape" - Enrique Iglesias]

I wrote this the week that school started this year. Reflects upon my hate of school and the ignorant people who lie within the halls. I like this poem too. :0)

Empty faces everywhere
Heads filled with false hope and superficial lies
who worry only about dances and football games
Pep rallies and proms
who is cheating whom?
The daily gossip fills the air
"How can she be caught wearing that?"
"And what's up with that hair?"
These shallow minds who we call our peers casually loitering in the halls
Lives being controlled by bells, constantly telling us what to do
Halls which were once lonely and deserted, are crowded once again
"Please take your seats and welcome back"
Let the hell begin....

[mood|thirsty]
[music|Still Paul Oakenfold]

Written about Brad I think...again this was after I found out he was cheating on me. Plus alot of people in my life were lying to me. I like this poem alot.

I thought I knew you
I thought I knew who I was touching
I thought I knew how the story ends
But you and all I thought I knew turned into deceit and lies
Deception
I told you everything
I shared my dreams with you
Wore my heart on my sleeve
Only to have it broken, only to find your love wasn't true
Deception
I'm sick of pain and hurt
I'm sick of all these games
I'm tired of endless heartbreak
I'm tired of continuous lies
I'm fed up with all this shit
Deception

[mood|annoyed]
[music|"Password" - Paul Oakenfold]

Inspired by that song "Invisible Man" by 98 Degrees. What can I say? I was a big pop queen back then. I wrote it about every guy I've ever liked that knew nothing of my existance. Plus at the time I was thinking about this particular guy named James that I was totally in love with. He didn't care. Later he had dry sex with my EX best friend. If that says anything...

Almost forgotten feelings rush back to my heart.
When I see you casually standing there.
You know damn well I'm staring.
But you don't ever seem to care.
Trying my hardest to hate you.
Just like I did in the past.
I'm so weak, the hatred could never last.
To me you look so different, somehow more attractive than before.
Because of this I find myself dreaming, those same old dreams again.
I try to push the thoughts away.
I'm starting to feel for you again.
Why do you always seem to get in the way?
Telling myself I can't love someone, someone who hates me.
He will never care about the feelings I still feel for him.
He will only cause me more pain, break my heart again.
Deep within my heart I feel your kindness there.
The person you hide from the world.
Could there ever be a chance he'd look at me in a different light?
Could he ever see the real me?
The me who's exactly like him.
Doubtful, I once more go back to being what you see me as.
The Invisible Girl.

[mood|nostalgic]
[music|"Get out of my life" - Paul Oakenfold]

I don't remember if I wrote this about a particular person. Alot of people told me this sounds like a really cheesy pop song though...lol...It kinda does. I didn't mean for it to sound like that. But it does kind of sound like a song.

Stop right there, who do you think you are?
To think you've got me won, to think you've got my heart.
What makes you think you're the one for me?
Just because in my dreams you're all that I see.
So what if my world slowly revolves around you?
And so what if I'm glad that I found you?
Who do you think you are?
Making me weak in the knees.
Doing all that you please.
Baby, who do you think you are?
Taking my breath away with every word you say?
Having to see your face each day.
Who do you think you are?
Don't think that I'd do anything for you.
And who said that my love would always be true?
Don't say that I'm in love.
I don't think we need to bring that up.
Just because you're constantly on my mind.
And wherever you go I'm never far behind.
Doesn't mean I'm in love.
Just who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Tearing my heart in two.
Doing that thing you do.
Who do you think you are?
Making me can't live without you.
Gotta be right there with you.
Who do you think you are?
Needing your love so much.
Yearning to feel your touch.
My heart skips a beat.
And I lose so much sleep.
I need to make one thing clear.
Who do you think you are?
Cause to me...you're the man of my dreams

[mood|thoughtful]
[music|"Crawling in the Dark" - Hoobaskank]

I think I wrote this about the same guy in "Pulling Together". I don't remember. But I do remember putting it in my info on ICQ and getting a million horny guys thinking it was my plee for their manly sex....*rolls her eyes*

Visions of you run through my mind.
So amazing they are leaving me breathless and tongue-tied.
They feel so real that I begin to believe you're beside me.
That you didn’t really leave me.
That I'm not really lonely.
Just wish I knew where you are.
So this feeling of worry will stop trying to overtake me.
For the moment all the world just disappears.
As the thought of you holding me quickly reappears.
Leaning forward you kiss my nose and gently caress my cheek.
You gaze into my eyes, brown penetrating blue.
You pull me to you and kiss me.
My heart jumps and my breathing quickens for I am so taken by your beauty.
You smile that carefree smile that always seems to touch me.
I feel your breath on my face as you softly say you love me.
Saying you'll never leave me and how we'll be together always.
You'll love me till the final breath leaves your body.
Feeling so loved and protected we drift asleep in each other’s arms.
I wake up only to realize that it was only a wonderful dream.
Once again I'm without you.
Once again am I alone

[mood|tired]
[music|"Cry" - Mandy Moore]

Written about my childhood. Feeling lonely and out of the scheme of things. My parents fighting all the time and a really messy divorce...still is. And me having to grow up alot sooner than I would of liked to.

Growing up as a child, I held the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Learning things that little ones shouldn't know.
Felt the feel of loneliness, as I played alone by myself. In a world of my own just trying to fit in among the crowd.
Seeking the approval of others, never receiving what I sought.
Closing my eyes, hiding the tears, replacing them with a brave smile.
Holding it all back not letting them get their pleasure from my pain.
Trying to be the perfect child, mommy's angel and daddy's little girl.
Sat watching in silence as they grew further apart each passing day.
Hiding in the darkness wishing the yelling would just go away.
Listening to their arguements, blaming myself for their divorce.
No one was there to tell me different.
Its funny that as many years pass nothing seems to change. Still searching for friendship, seeking approval from others.
But finding only pain and loneliness.
Everyday growing more numb to the madness and the world outside.
Putting walls around my heart not letting many inside. Cold and uncaring to most but knowing I am safe.
Leaving my heart in the hands of a choice few.
Only left me here alone once more.
Wishing once again for friendship, just someone who understands.
Looking back I think maybe I grew up a little too soon.

[mood|contemplative]
[music|"Funny Break" - Orbital]

Written by one of my old friends and me. I had a crush on him at one time and thought he liked me to. Turns out he didn't. But he was still a nice guy. I wrote the first part and he wrote the last part.

Confusion grips my very heart, as you enter the room tonight.
Thinking all these amazing things but knowing they can't be right.
Wondering to myself if you're feeling this too.
Are you the man I need, to make all my dreams come true?
I never dare to speak these words, afraid what you might say.
That it was just a fantasy, another game you play.
My head is filled with too many thoughts, each pulling in a different direction.
Wanting so much out of you but too scared to mention. Taken are we both, so these feelings I have, must be wrong.
Need to find my place in this world, be where I belong. But as I lay here in your arms, so tight.
No longer can I distinguish between what is right.

But what is right is what I feel.
Never questioning this experience that I'm in.
Leading me blindly down the path.
That could take me to my ever after.
Can you help me with these questions?
Can you help me to decide?
Can you stop this pain from eating another hole on the inside?
Of my soul when you're not there.
And I think of you.
Could you possibly be the one to make all my dreams come true?

[mood|discontent]
[music|"At your Funeral" - Saves the day]

Written Waaaaaay back in the day. I felt and still do feel that there's more to me than meets the eye.

Locked in this body that I call me.
I am holding things back but will one day be free.
As you set your eyes upon me, which part do you see?
The shy unsure girl with a curious mind or the rising star hidden inside?
Soon I will break out of these chains holding me down.
And be in the arms of my love holding me sound.
One day you'll view me like never before, finally see down to the depths of my core.

[mood|sore]
[music|"Blurry" - Puddle of Mudd]

Written about my ex boyfriend Brad and his dealings with suicide and just the unhappiness that is sometimes apparent in his life. I wasn't really sure if Odin had a sword but...I wanted to use a God's name so...I just put he had one.

Up high amongst the clouds.
You sat upon your perch.
And laughed at all the people as they tore the world in two.
You’d stretch your wings and sing your song, underneath the endless stars.
And not once worry that the stars one day might end.
But one day all the stars did fall and my angel, your song did end.
The Earth was flooded with the many storms of your tears.
The few you held so closely threw you to the ground.
And once in your short life you began to question who you really sang to.
Your people broke your wings and took your voice away.
No longer had you the strength to breathe.
You shouted to the heavens and you cried into the seas.
You held your hand out for solace.
But none was ever found.
My suffering angel, so beautiful you were.
But one day no longer could you fly.
Your fight you could not win.
Against your pale, white skin Odin’s sword cut through.
And your crimson blood poured onto the clouds, raining over the world below.
And for the first time there was peace inside my angel’s heart.
For a moment he could fly again and his song was heard once more.
And as my tears wash over his sweet face, peacefully he dances under spring showers.

[mood|Dancy!]
[music|Still Shakira]

I wrote this in my actual diary about a year ago. I just copied on to my computer a week ago. Wrote about my ex boyfriend Brad.

Within the darkness you were my light.
So that I could find my way.
When I was tired you were my night.
Letting me find comfort in your embrace.
And when I was scared, filled with uncertainty.
You held my hand through it all.
You were there to catch me when I stumbled.
Never once letting me fall.

[mood|sad]
[music|"Whenever, Wherever" -Shakira. Dont feel like changing it]

Written about a year and a half ago right after I found out Brad had another girlfriend aside from myself. Not happy times...

Just when my life finally started to make sense.
Just when I felt I was something.
You had to steal away all my confidence.
Make me worthless make my life pointless.
I did my part, loved you from the start.
But you left me standing alone in the dark.
You made me nothing.
I meant nothing.
This isn’t how we were supposed to be.
You’ve taken the last of my sanity.
Now I’m making myself hurt in order to find my composure.
Your cruel words were daggers to my heart.
That I was nothing right from the start.
I meant nothing.
I was an affair from the beginning.
This hurts so much, is life worth living?
Your smile masked the liar that lived beneath.
Knowing damn well what I meant to you.
But letting me fall in love anyway.
Made me feel loved though inside your heart I was no one.
I mattered not.
I meant nothing.
Stop please don’t try to explain.
Don’t even bother.
It only makes me weaker.
I can’t take your lies anymore.
Let me regain a piece of my sanity.
Just go back to the one who means everything.
While I stand here softly crying.
Not being loved at all.
Always meaning nothing.
I am nothing.

[mood|okay]
[music|"Far From Goodbye" - BT]

I wrote these a couple months ago for my Humanities class. The one about the Lady of Darkness got put in the display class in my hallway. I was rather proud of it. I got a hundred on both the haiku's themselves and the power point presentation we had to make for them. I had help with that though. :0)

1st Haiku:(About LOTR and their journey to return the ring)

Harsh winter winds
Nine weary travelers unite
One common goal

2nd:(Inspired by Hobbiton)

Rolling hills of green
Flowers hide the secret within
Village of innocence

3rd:

A black rose stands alone
With neither friendship nor love
Thorns to shield the pain

4th:(About a kite...lol)

In a sky of blue
Floating freely amid the clouds
Without pain or strife

5th:(About Elijah Woods' eyes)

His eyes are raindrops
Clear as crystal and so deep
Worthy of drowning

6th:

Lady darkness o p e n your pale arms
Surround me in your frosty mist
The dead of night approaches

7th:(About a vampire)

Creeping through the shadows
A scream muffled by a hand
A glint of white is seen

8th:(A vampire looking upon his last sunrise)

Yellow sphere rising slowly
Illuminating a world of gray
A sight I may NEVER see again

9th:(About a penguin...could you tell?)

Suited in black and white
Slipping and sliding on ice
Waddling through its life

10th:(Inspired again by LOTR)

Mountains loom in the distance
An untraveled path lies ahead
The real journey begins

[mood|blah]
[music|"Shame" - Stabbing Westward]

I wrote this last year for my Language 11 class. It had to be about a person looking at a different person or group of people and reflecting upon them. My person is a young boy named Blake Andrews who looks at this one popular girl named Cassandra Starr and longs for her to notice him. Sadly though Blake is what some close minded people would refer to as a "nerd". I got a 97% on this poem because apparently I didn't give an effective enough reading....*rolls her eyes* This is in my opinion one of my least favorite poems. I like the concept but I don't like how I wrote it. Oh well..

Shining so brightly amid a sea of darkness.
Her carefree smile illuminates the world around her.
Never letting the pains of life get her down.
Sashaying her hips through her world of innocence.
With long golden hair and eyes that reflect all I wish I could be.
An angel sent from heaven, a gift from above.
Her beauty is startling.
Among the crowds of people I see her standing there.
And the world seems to stop in its tracks.
The only people in the room are she and I.
If only she would turn and lay her eyes upon me.
If only she could see behind the person I’ve become,
And see the man I truly am inside.
Instead of this pathetic nerd I see before me.
She walks on the clouds, so high above me.
So undeserving and unworthy I am of her.
Afraid that she’d feel I am not good enough.
And that my love for her could never be true.
Never saying a word I go back, into the shadows of the unknown.
Waiting for my Cassandra, the only Starr in my sky.

[mood|disappointed]
[music|"Wasted" - Stabbing Westward Yes...its still on.]

The last poem I wrote for my SSP class. I don't like this one. I had to use alliteration, assonance, & consonance and to me it sounds like crap. Oh well..By the way I got a 99% on all the poems as a whole.

I sit out late at night.
When the moon shines so bright.
As I gaze up at this sight.
My mind takes a flight.
Wondering what’s wrong and what’s right.
Losing track of myself until it is night

[mood|amused]
[music|"Wasted" - Stabbing Westward]

The 4 of 5 poems written for my SSP class. This is a fairly humorous one making fun of love. :0)

Love is not a hamster.
Even though love moves you in circles like one of those hamster wheel things.
Hamsters eventually get tired and stop running.
Love shows no mercy.
Love doesn’t stop in order for you to get a drink from a water bottle hung on your cage.
Love is not a hamster.
Hamsters can be brown or black or brown with white spots.
Love comes in no colors.
Love happens no matter what color the little rodent may be.
Love is not a hamster.
When times get rough or when love makes you mad or sad.
You cannot pile your pine-scented wood chips into a corner and hide from the world.
Love can see through any substance….
Even wood chips.
Love is not a hamster.
When your girlfriend or boyfriend starts to look a little plump in the face.
You cannot blame it on the millions of food pellets hidden within their cheeks.
Yes, sadly love is not a hamster.

[mood|melancholy]
[music|"I don't believe" - Stabbing Westward]

Third of five poems written for my SSP class. This one had to be about Christmas and had to be a sonnet.

Silently the snow falls to the ground.
But I am blinded from the sight.
Carolers with their familiar sound.
Singing “Rudolph” and “Silent Night”.
Family gathered around a tree.
With presents hand in hand.
But all these things are oblivious to me.
It’s an unknown land.
I’m all alone on Christmas day.
Sitting in this crowded room.
While my love is dwelling so far away.
My Christmas is filled only with gloom.
The holiday is not as magical without you near.
The only present I want is you this year.

[mood|creative]
[music|"You Got It Bad" - Usher]

The second of five poems for my Short Stories and Poetry class.

In the dark, one small child sits, her back pressed to the wall.
A blanket wrapped all around her shoulders, clinging to her raggedy doll.
With the closet door shut tightly, some comfort there is found
And with her hands covering her ears, she tries her hardest to block the sound.
Her mommy and daddy are fighting again about who’s wrong, who’s right.
But would their fighting be so passionate if they knew their daughter cried herself to sleep at night.

[mood|amused]
[music|"Hey Baby" - No Doubt]

One of five poems I had to write for my Short Story and Poetry Class.

She sits alone, without comfort or friendship.
Once red with the blood shed of the innocent.
Is now covered with the darkness of death.
Her sadness is transparent to the world.
But they just pass by as she wilts and whither away.
Her soul was once free.
Her petals were so soft.
Her beauty once illuminated the barren world around her.
As she struggles to lift her head to the dimly lit sky.
A lone black boot smashes her last piece of hope into the earth.

[mood|creative]
[music|"Tainted Love" - Marilyn Manson]

My favorite poem I've ever wrote. I got a 100% on the project for my Brit. Lit class because of it.

You say you want to know it all,
Exactly how it feels to fall,
From the heavens to these bleak streets you call your own,
Forever destined to walk this world alone.
You go through life thinking we’re nothing more than a children’s fairy tale,
But I walk amongst you hiding underneath this darkened veil.
I watch from the shadows. I know it all.
I hear the screams of suffering. I heed their call.
My presence is one of surprise;
I drown in the fear in their eyes.
Consumed with such passion, drunk with desire;
I feel it course through me, like liquid fire.
The blood that makes them die,
Is the blood that makes me for a moment feel alive.
Behind these black eyes lies infinite toil.
Oh, how I sometimes long to be subject to your mortal coil.
Trapped in this life so lonely and jaded.
The man I once was is now lost and faded.
Can you know how it feels to watch so many lives end;
Or how it feels living without one true friend?
The only companionship I find is from those of my own kind;
But even they cannot fathom all the sickness inside.
I run from the day, embracing the night,
I’m driven by this hunger, a never-ending fight.
So what you want is immortality?
A child of darkness is what you want to be?
You could never handle a life like this.
Who am I to give you my blood stained kiss?
I’ve killed millions of innocent souls;
Constantly threatening to lose control.
The purest of hearts I have ever known,
But I am destined to live my eternity alone

[mood|accomplished]
[music|"Body Crumbles" - Dry Cell I LOVE this song.]

I hope you read and enjoy these few glimpses of my soul. I love to write. I hope one day to use it as a career although I do not know exactly what. Read and enjoy yourselves.